Anxious night

[vaneramos]

Photo courtesy of bitterlawngnome


Last night bitterlawngnome and danthered helped mark Brenna's upcoming birthday with lemon poppy seed cake and candles. My gifts to her included a book on drawing cartoon animals, and a set of pliers for beading.

She had to go home afterward. Leaving her felt unusually sad. Brenna seems lonely, but doesn't articulate things as readily as Marian.

I'm getting sick of driving in this windy autumn weather. Last night was the worst. I saw two minor accidents and a portable toilet blown into the road. By the time I returned to Guelph after midnight it had died down, but head and knuckles were aching.

I was coming down with a cold.

I had a lucid dream about riding a streetcar past a Chinese temple with cryptic lettering sliding down the walls like digital images in The Matrix, but primary colours on a vitreous white background. We passed a gate; I pointed and declared in a booming, prophetic voice, "The Door." Brenna, standing on sidewalk before the wall, seized a stake out of the pavement and started running ahead of the streetcar like a messenger in ancient times, her footfalls resonating in my head. These images related to Tendril's story somehow.

Comments

[tbone1961.livejournal.com]

that's a great shot Dad.

and how cool!! Randy got the same type of candles for my cake!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Those candles were really cool, less cheesy than the musical ones!

[ubermunkey.livejournal.com]

Great Image both the black and white, and the dream image.

I've been having spectacularly vivid dreams as well.

Glad to read that you made it home safe and sound.
be well
Connor

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I dreamt it just after I fell asleep last night. It was so remarkable, I thought in my sleep, "I want to remember this." And surprisingly, I did.

Yes, it was good to get home. But dang, I can't breathe through my nose tonight.

Cheers anyway.

Love,
Van

[churchofpoetry.livejournal.com]

what a great photo! (nice cake, too.) i hope she has a happy birthday, and you don't get very sick, van.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

At home she was told she is too old for birthday parties or cakes. Heavens. I told her no one is ever too old for those things.

I didn't get a bad cold or any flu all last winter, so I can't complain. This one has lodged determinedly in my nose. I foresee a hot bath with aromatic oils in my immediate future.

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

I felt unaccountably sad as you guys were getting ready to leave, I mean really really someone-died-sad. At the time I thought it was you but after our chat, i wonder if it was Brenna?

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

not that either of you died, of course, I mean prhaps I was picking up on someone's mood.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

It was probably me. I was in an unusually dark mood, although it didn't give rise to coherent thoughts until we were on the road. Very likely it was part of my bodily response to the oncoming cold, which I was unaware of until later in the evening.

Brenna doesn't get in a bad mood very often, but when she does, it's obvious. There are certain things about her situation that sadden me, but I think she has enough toughness and humour to carry her through.

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

My stars...you look so much alike...

And the black-and-whiteness of the image, combined with your post, adds a somber element to this photo somehow...

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I mustn't let all that overshadow some genuinely good times we had together this weekend. So much of family memory is destined to be bittersweet.

[missprune.livejournal.com]

Your dream -- are you quite sure your astral body wasn't with us as we watched a particularly dark episode of Angel last night? There was a door, and prophecy, and the same general feeling. Wonderful photo!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

It wouldn't suprise me. I recall a couple of instances when my mind seemed unaccountably to be operating on the same frequency with ghostsandrobots.

[avad.livejournal.com]

grooovy candles! mmmlemonpoppyseedcake, my mouth is watering.

bizarre and intriguing dream Van."seized a stake out of the pavement and started running ahead of the streetcar like a messenger in ancient times, her footfalls resonating in my head. " wow, you put the image right into my head

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I'm usually surprised by the vividness of language that comes when I start describing a dream. And although I normally get impatient with writing my morning pages, hwnever I have a dream to recount, those three pages whiz by. I often gain considerable insight into what's going on in my mind by the simple act of putting dream events into words. This dream remains a conundrum to me, and yet it is wonderful.

[gr8grizz.livejournal.com]

She is growing up, and you see this. I think it may scare you in some ways. You are a very proud father of a deeply talented and somewhat precocious child. I hope I get to meet Brenna some day, she seems like quite the interesting individual. Don't be afraid of loosing out on her childhood memories because her future will be even more memorable I'm sure. This is what I see in your dream, but I could be wrong. Just the same, congratulations to your Brenna on her new year and to you for being such a good dad.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Aw thanks, K. Your words are insightful. Often I realize exactly what my dreams are about as soon as I write them down. This one is a bit of a puzzler to me, but my feelings agree basically with what you said. I think Brenna has a special purpose to fulfill, and I shouldn't worry too much about her circumstances holding her back. No doubt you will get to meet her someday.

[mhkrabat.livejournal.com]

What a warm photo of the two of you. A very happy year to Brenna

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

thank you

[(Anonymous)]

Hi there, a stranger here...one who sometimes reads your lj...I honestly don't know how I happened upon your journal...you must be a friend of a friend....I wanted to tell you how much I enjoy reading your writing...when words are strung together in particular ways (I don't know how to describe how this works exactly) I experience some kind of trance-like state that magnifies the communication, I feel/know more than is warranted by the words...this happens for me when I read you...it also happens when I view your photography, I often am moved to tears when I get to see the world through your eyes....so thanks, whether you know you do this or not....I appreciate this rare, open and vulnerable style of human interaction....blessings....

Re: thank you

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your kind comments. Openness in writing is something I strive for, although it can be uncomfortable. So I appreciate hearing that people read and find something of beauty, meaning or worth in my words.

[leafshimmer.livejournal.com]

Thanks for sharing that beautiful photo. Great candles!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome. Glad to hear you're home safe and sound, too. It sounds like your trip was enriching.

[mattycub.livejournal.com]

I don't have any remarkable insight about your dream, but I just had to make a comment to say how handsome you look in that photo.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Aw shucks, thanks!