Untethered

[vaneramos]

This was my second week volunteering at Two Rivers. I go in twice a week for two hours around lunchtime. So far I have answered calls and done odd jobs no one else has time for, like tallying grocery tapes and fixing the fax machine (all I had to do was read the instructions).

Yesterday Heather called me efficient. That is a compliment I'm unaccustomed to hearing. People there are friendly, and that's all I ask.

Suddenly my time has shifted to revolve around this new responsibility. I'm having trouble keeping on top of the laundry and housework, and co-ordinating other responsibilities. I keep double booking myself. It feels like I'm coming untethered.

How would I handle a job where I had to work 20 hours a week instead of four? This stirs up old, unpleasant memories of previous jobs, in which I always felt overwhelmed and out of control. Some people thrive on stress. I would rather be peaceful most of the time.

The variety store across the street has started selling African cichlids. Looking out my office window at the right time of evening I can see them, bright angels under lights, flying through a cloud of snow.