The quest for poetry

[vaneramos]

It’s important for me not to turn the computer on first thing, before breakfast. Otherwise I get sucked into email and catching up online Scrabble games. Morning slips away. Thursday I missed writing before going into the office, and again yesterday before heading to Toronto. I really do miss it, especially since the profound stillness I experienced a week ago. Poetry arose effortlessly from that space, and I’m anxious to return.

Danny had to get up and sign into work from his laptop this morning. I lay in bed a few minutes longer, then took the notebook downstairs and cleared a space near him at the kitchen table. After oatmeal I poured tea and started writing. It’s a hard discipline to do those pages outside my own space, but always worthwhile.

My mind wouldn’t settle down. Stillness and coherence stayed far away. Once again the pages filled with random threads. I’m tempted to say useless, but know better than that. Chaos and order are inseparable. Peace, when it comes, feels so sublime because of the journey involved. You can never strain or force it to happen. You simply keep plodding, knowing that in fullness of time it will offer itself.

Comments

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

when i try to sit and write, without a clear source of ideas or a given word, i almost never like what comes out. maybe i'm making a mistake not doing it anyway, for practice and for the discipline of it. i admire your dedication!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, I think it's important to persist even when you don't like what comes out. 90 per cent of what I write in my morning pages feels useless to me. But the process teaches patience and trust, and places me in the path of inspiration when it comes.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

P.S. The poems that arise from raw material in my morning pages tend to feel freer and more surprising than one I produce by sitting down with the purpose of writing a poem.

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

oh, so you can use it as source material! i should try that, then. i turn on the computer first thing, and there goes the day. ;)

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

The important thing with morning pages is not to expect anything out of them. It's a little like communicating with teenagers; I try not to nag them or push them. If you just relax and let it be whatever it needs to be, there will be certain days when it feels like crap, others when it's needful venting, and once in a while something powerful and beautiful.

It only takes me about 20 minutes to fill three pages, and knowing the way you can work, you'll probably find the same. My days turn out a lot better if I do that first before turning the computer on. This is one argument for doing it longhand. Or if that is to uncomfortable for you, try opening a Word document and writing for 15-20 minutes before you use a browser or email. The earlier in the day the better, even if you're not a morning person (I'm not).

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

good suggestions! i'll try to discipline myself to do that. thanks so much!

[missprune.livejournal.com]

So true. You can't force peace, only be grateful when it arises. Calm, I realized yesterday, is a physical feeling within... I've been lacking it most of the time.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

It seems to me, from my limited experience, that peace is better achieved by letting go and allowing things to unfold, rather than by taking control. But taking more control of my own life seems to be an often-repeated and important theme I can't escape.

[eloquentwthrage.livejournal.com]

Good thoughts. Are you familiar with birdbybird? My friend (and Friend) peregrin8 started it, and it could use a breath of fresh air such as yours. Consider joining up and cross-posting, if you want to put something else on that already cluttered plate of yours.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

The premise looks interesting, although looks a little quiet recently, as you suggested. I tend to be a wallflower in unfamiliar situations, don't know about a breath of fresh air.

[eloquentwthrage.livejournal.com]

Well, as it's a smallish group, you wouldn't be bombarded with comments or anything like that. Anyway, it's just a thought.

[ubermunkey.livejournal.com]

You simply keep plodding, knowing that in fullness of time it will offer itself.

this line of yours, struck me like a bullet to the brain
love to you and yours
munkey

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the best things in life are worth waiting for. Hehe.

Cheers and Love,
Van

[e-musings.livejournal.com]

You play online scrabble, too?? What is your 'handle'? Mine is (unsurprisingly) emusings.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I play on jomarco.com, which costs about a $25 annual membership. Where do you play?

[e-musings.livejournal.com]

I play on the Internet Scrabble Club, which has no fee. A friend told me about it last October (2004) and I have been addict ever since. I didn't realize there was more than one scrabble site!