Facing the dream of fear

[vaneramos]

Ice on the path, Eramosa River Park


Considering the emotional drain of last night's short story, it's no wonder I balk at writing fiction. My life has become happier, but the creative mind must be willing to draw upon the full extent of experience and emotion. The passions I fear didn't kill me before; they won't kill me now. But what exactly is the point of going there? Consider the actor who must remember grief in order to portray it. A writer, too, must compel and convince his audience. The alternative is monotonous, predictable prose.

It took me a while to wind down. I crawled into bed around 6 a.m. The rhythm of traffic had begun to rise in the street.

Dozing, I was pursued around a classroom by a large, bright blue, stuffed animal, a cross between Kanga and Cookie Monster, brandishing a pitchfork. Realizing I was dreaming, I turned to defend myself, slashing with an invisible knife. The creature vanished with a puff of blue feathers, leaving only its googly eyes jangling in space. It wasn't a very satisfying demise, but I just stared at the place where my assailant had stood, lacking the presence of mind to summon it back and dismember it properly.

~~~~~~~~~~

Another image is posted in texture.

Comments

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

i would probably shy away from writing anything that might draw directly on some of the emotional pain in my past. the fiction i've come up with, except for one brief story arc, has expressed themes related to what i've learned from life, i think, but it'd be harrowing to use the material of some of my crash-and-burns directly. i hope you don't have more bad dreams from writing this story.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

It is a trick not to write too directly about real life. Interestingly, Barbara guessed easily that this was the most autobiographical of the stories I've submitted. But actually, only a few aspects of it are autobiographical, and those are carefully altered to be not too close to the truth. The most intense part of this story, the character of Ian Silver and the protagonist's relationship with him, was complete fantasy. Whenever I write something like this, it feels like I'm grazing the surface of reality.

[ironbark.livejournal.com]

After waiting all day for your story I had a late request for assistance from my former partner. Despite my moans and groans I could not really refuse her since she has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and needs my support.

However, I just read your story and found it greatly moving. Despite the fictional aspects I related to it surprisingly strongly.

I also remember a nameless friend that I was in lust with but which was never consummated.

I also made contact, then parted, and was then reunited by chance with someone that became a significant part of my life for a long time only to lose him in death again.

It is probable that anyone with a long and fulfilling life will find many things in common with anothers albeit fictional experiences thereby giving a false impression of linked destinies. But knowing this did not reduce the emotional charge I got from reading your story.

Congratulations Van

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Many thanks.

It is probable that anyone with a long and fulfilling life will find many things in common with anothers

Or even a not so long life. Some passions are nearly universal, although we probably express them in different ways. None of my lovers has died, but I had several close friends die in car accidents when I was a university student, and during the period when I feared losing contact with my children, I frequently dreamt about them dying. A fiction writer extrapolates.

While I was still married, I had a transitory flirtation with a man. I was horrified and fled. After my separation I went back to the place where I had seen him, encountered him again, and had my first homosexual experience since my teens. That part is true, but none of the details are the same. We did not become lovers.

As I mentioned here recently, my mother is also fighting breast cancer.