Dies irae

[vaneramos]

Dies irae, dies illa, dies tribulationis et angustiae,
dies calamatatis et miseriae, dies tenebranum et caliginis,
dies nebulae et turbinis, dies tubae et clangoris.

Day of wrath (judgment), this day, a day of trouble and distress,
day of wasteness and desolation, a day of darkness and gloominess,
a day of clouds and thick darkness, a day of the trumpet and alarm.


I've been practicing "I'm past the point of going quietly insane," from When We No Longer Touch, corresponding with "Dies irae" in the requiem text. Composers have fun, as much as anyone can or should, with expressions of anger. Kris Anthony's music (RAM file) bears clear resemblance to Mozart's furious interpretation. We've never sung anything like it before.

The way to learn a rapid piano piece was to slow it way down, then gradually increase the tempo, repeating ad nauseum. The chorus hasn't had time for that in rehearsals, so I'm doing it here.

It bears a striking correspondence with my life these days. I've hardly adjusted to the volunteer job, and now the cognitive therapy group is about to begin with attendant homework. This kind of study stirs up filth from the bottom, makes you grope for whatever is down there. I read the first two chapters of Mind Over Mood this evening. Lots of work to do.

It raises one of my favourite protests, "I can't handle this. I don't have enough energy. The world is moving too fast. Let me jump off, here."

It's Judgment Day. I'm gradually increasing the tempo. I'm past the point of going quietly insane.

Comments

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

the mozart Dies Irae is soooo effective. and so scary! i'm sorry you feel your life's tempo increasing in the same way as the music. that is a lot to take on.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Sometimes the words take over. When I posted this, I was afraid people might take it the wrong way. It was written with humour (yes, I know, my humour is so dry it died of thirst) and poetic licence, so don't worry about me too much. But yes, I am feeling a little overwhelmed, not quite desperate yet.

[writer00.livejournal.com]

The quickening pulse comes through, but the desperation still seems to be just a word, or at most a fear. I would say (for many of us) that every day is a triumph, and we need to be more compassionate with ourselves . . . be more kind and forgiving. For someone who often struggles with fears and the detritus of past emotional traumas, you still manage to do a hell of a job artistically and humanistically (I think I made this word up) inspiring a lot of us out there.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Interesting comments, E. I have the idea that I'm very compassionate with myself, but not so good at self-discipline. Maybe this is a misconception, coming from my background, which was short on compassion and heavy on discipline (I'm not referring to physical discipline, but the perfectionism of my parents, and the holy living of my evangelical experience).

What I aspire to most is to create something beautiful, but when I do, I still have the host of voices telling me that art, poetry or music is not important enough, that my dream of making a living this way (or even some income) is foolish and unworthy. It startles me to hear (or read) someone who knows a lot about me to say I'm doing a good job. I was taught to believe that what I'm doing is not a job at all, no matter how hard I work at it. That is the programming I would most like to alter, and the cognitive work might help with that.

[writer00.livejournal.com]

Really, what is our job, our life's work, our career or our avocation? It is to live as well as we can, to grow, to create, to find a way to let our "voice" flow . . . to express ourselves through the gifts we have been given. In that respect, I think you have been doing your "job" most admirably.

Hi, I'm new and i have silly things to say

[fuzzybutchkins.livejournal.com]

If i didn't know better, i would swear up and down that Kris Anthony's sound byte sounded like a bumper for the 5 o'clock news.

Re: Hi, I'm new and i have silly things to say

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

News music is usually that alarming, isn't it?

What a strange coincidence. I browsed onto your journal this morning (I couldn't resist the icon) from trinapink's and was startled to discover myself on your friends list. I didn't realize how recently. Welcome.

Re: Hi, I'm new and i have silly things to say

[fuzzybutchkins.livejournal.com]

that icon is probably the best thing i've done for myself recently.

it's not so much a sense of alarm, to me... it's more of a brooding, edgy impotence.

[blt4success66.livejournal.com]

Ever hear Verdi's Requiem and the "Dies Irae" from that mass? It's haunting and harder than hell to sing. I have. It's also very true to the text.

HUGS!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I heard bits of that requiem once years ago, but I was driving somewhere with somebody, so I didn't get to really listen to it. I only remember liking it. Hopefully I'll get a chance to hear it again. I didn't realize you had done choral singing. Cool!

[blt4success66.livejournal.com]

Yes, I actually directed a small church choir for a number of years but gave it up due to other issues that came up. I really need to go back to school and finish my degree so I can really follow my life's pursuit and that's direct. I love teaching.

[grandiva1968.livejournal.com]

Played it in my next-to-last symphony gig.  Think it's hard to sing?  Try playing the cello part.

[blt4success66.livejournal.com]

I'm sure it's pretty harsh but from what I understand, Verdi was pretty challenging in whatever he wrote and he was heading into the late 1800's where music started to get really crazy...

[grandiva1968.livejournal.com]

The neighbors must think you're mad…

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

The neighbours think right!