Antisocial?

[vaneramos]

Loner, outsider, outcast, misfit, reject. I have always attached negative labels to my introversion, but this attitude is shifting rapidly. My creative accomplishments have caused me to want more time alone. As in the past, this raised the question, "What is wrong with me?" Am I depressed?

This time the answer is clearly: "No, nothing is wrong."

I haven't been isolating myself or cutting people off. I'm growing more comfortable with myself than ever. Solitude gratifies because it has started working.

A sign of self-confidence is that I feel less defensive. I can give time to others because I understand the choice. When R phoned yesterday, part of me initially resisted inviting him. Instead of rejecting that feeling as antisocial, or presuming it arose from depression, I honoured and considered it. Another part of me wished to offer hospitality. I weighed the two voices, and went with the latter.

Tonight I am alone again, feeling tired but rewarded.

It seems an essential lesson. I might think of myself as a hermit or even an eccentric, but let's do away with that loner epithet. I really do like people, too. Experience is empowering me to experiment with, and correct the balance.

~~~~~~~~~~

This series of photos was taken today atop Queen Street hill, which overlooks downtown Guelph. The cloudscapes were inspired by a recent photo series posted by bitterlawngnome.







Another photo is posted in doorwindowwall.
Another photo is posted in iamthelorax.

Comments

[vaysha.livejournal.com]

such wonderful realizations.
:)

I'm thinking it's very good company you are in as well.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :-)

I believe good companionship is the best thing we can give ourselves. It is the basis for treating others well.

[hankdmoose.livejournal.com]

I've had the very same experience with my own introversion. Have you read Caring for Your Introvert by Jonathan Rauch? It's a very interesting article, and it helped me realize that my need to give myself some time alone didn't mean there was something wrong with me.

[bearfinch.livejournal.com]

That article changed my whole perspective on my own introvertedness.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I remember you pointing it out to me. It's a great article.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, in fact finchbear pointed it out to me a few weeks ago. Excellent article.

[e-musings.livejournal.com]

I just read that article! It is very good and reassuring.

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

i need lots of alone-time too and have always wondered if that was bad somehow. i'm glad you've arrived at these insights.

beautiful blue skies!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it can give rise to difficulty or misunderstanding, but it is not bad or any fault of ours. A couple other people have mentioned this insightful article:

http://www.learningplaceonline.com/relationships/friends/caring-introvert.htm

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

thanks! that looks like a good article. i'm bookmarking it right now.

[capitalcor.livejournal.com]

I find that creative people are often the most in touch with their inner selves. It is not that we WANT to be alone, it is just that we CAN be alone.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I'd say I often want to be alone, but I don't want to be lonely. Feeling loved and secure in relationships is one thing that gives me the confidence to say, "Okay, now I want some time to myself." It makes all the difference when the significant people in my life understand and respect that.

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

I love the sound of the wind in the dried up pods.

The problem is that we let the extroverts define what is normal/healthy. Introverts know all about extroverts but the reverse is not true.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Interesting point. I guess we have that understanding because we spend so much time observing, not so much interacting. This brings to mind unhappy relationships I've had with people who frequently demanded, "What are you thinking about?" or "What's wrong?" when I was simply being quiet. In fact I used to pester my wife that way, who was even more intensely introverted than me.

Yesterday afternoon must have been completely still, because I didn't notice that sound in the locusts. I had never noticed that row of trees on the hill before. I must remember to go back when they're flowering, because I love the scent.

[thewindrose.livejournal.com]

I am the same way, and I am struggling with it, being recently married. I feel there is a constant invasion of my space... even when he is just in the house with me, but not in the same room. (And naturally, he is an extrovert.) I am trying to find a middle ground, but I find myself longing for those days when I had my place to myself and I could close the door on the world.

I couldn't have read this entry of yours at a better time. It's goood to know I'm not alone in my wanting to be alone! And I am going to go read that article I saw pointed out in the other comments.

[e-musings.livejournal.com]

I am so definitely an introvert! I spend scads of alone time and totally enjoy/need/want it. My little family straddles both-my husband and son are so extroverted, my daughter and I are definitely introverted. Her choice of majors lends itself to introversion--she is a writing major.

Introverts unite!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yay, maybe we should hold an introvert convention. Um, no, let's just stay home and email one another instead. ;-)