Cancer positively

[vaneramos]

A friend is facing the loss of her husband to cancer. It raises the question of positive outlook, so important in healing.

When Mom was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer, she initially considered refusing treatment. "I've had a good life," she said. She was 69 and had never been seriously ill. The indignities of chemo and radiation did not appeal. Her attitude upset some family members who wanted her to try everything.

I said, "It's your life, and your choice to make." Mom's sister, a retired nurse, also reacted calmly and supportively.

We, the healthy, must offer seriously ill loved ones reassurance that we'll survive without them. Hysteria or stubborn denial will not help them enjoy whatever time remains. People misunderstand good attitude: "positive thinking" is not equivalent. We will all face death, whether gracefully or miserably. With aggressive cancer, one must acknowledge the possibility, make most of opportunities, and not expect miracles.

I'm glad Mom opted for chemo. Facing death calmly does not mean giving up. Undoubtedly, her resistance to despair contributed to her recovery and enjoyment of life since 2002. I wish the same confidence for cancer patients everywhere, and for those loved ones facing life without them.

Comments

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

>We, the healthy, must offer seriously ill loved ones reassurance that we'll survive without them. Hysteria or stubborn denial will not help them enjoy whatever time remains.

that is so true. and i think you're right about a good attitude not being the same as "positive thinking." when people come at me with positive thinking, i want to run away because of the apparent lack of touch with reality.

>Facing death calmly does not mean giving up.

also very true. thanks for this post, van. i'm glad your mother's done well.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

And thanks for this post, Vicki. It is a blessing to know you.

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

likewise. :)

i forgot to say how beautiful the photo is, with the drop falling. so nice!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I framed the icicle and photographed the droplet by accident. I must have taken another 20 shots trying to get another one like it, but some things cannot be done by trying.

[ubermunkey.livejournal.com]

this is really beautiful Van.
The image and your words.

I'm sitting here having some wine and relaxing and thinking about life, your words strike a chord.

be well
love
munkey

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a good way to spend an evening. I hope to spend one like that with you in a few weeks.

Love, cheers,
Van

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I had an LJ friend who succombed to brain tumor last summer. He had been in remission twice. I thought we would have more time together, but I'm just glad I got to meet and know him a little while.

Mom was also told this type of cancer would recur, so she knew it was a waiting game but didn't tell us so. Before Christmas they found cancer in one lymph node again, but she wasn't too surprised. Again they caught it early and were able to remove it, so hopefully we'll have her around another few years.

The experience has helped me appreciate our time together more, and it sounds like the same has happened with your friend.