Harsh mistress

[vaneramos]

Last night John, Mina and I made a road trip to Toronto. We invaded HMV before attending a gallery show by my niece's graduating class at Gladstone Hotel. Robyn will be moving into her own place with friends near Kensington Market, having decided to live a starving artist's life (but makes enough money working three days a week at an expensive shoe store to cover her expenses). Oh, to be 23 again and know what I want!

I now have all four Rufus Wainwright albums; and Judith, which I first owned on vinyl. Hearing Judy Collins sing "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress" for the first time since my teens was intense.

I have more than I'm used to on my emotional platter. After three days of relatively intense social activity, I spent all morning playing computer parcheesi and spider solitaire. This isn't unusual in itself, but at present feels like a necessity: deep immersion in my solitary comfort zone. Around noon I received a nasty neurochemical jolt, like the prelude to a panic attack. Considering the low pressure system creeping through, I'll not worry about it. If I'm especially kind, I'll submit to a hot bath later, with candles.

Comments

[missprune.livejournal.com]

I apapreciate seeing the phrase "deep immersion in my solitary comfort zone." I tend to get exasperated when my husband plays computer solitaire for hours. Your phrase gives me a key for possibly understanding why he does that.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I still get exasperated with myself sometimes, but it doesn't help. Regarding solitaire as a kind of meditation does. When I feel compelled to do it for hours, I ask myself why. Usually there is an external reason, a source of stress. The recognition may suggest a course of action or more productive activity, but sometimes I just need down time.

[missprune.livejournal.com]

He tells me that sometimes it's because he's putting off doing some work he doesn't want to do. I tend to get mad because I consider it "wasting time" - as if our time was a joint possession. It's something I have not been able to quite accept even after all these years. Partly because I feel shut out during those hours. But I do believe it is a restful practice for the mind, almost a meditation.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Apparently my parents experience a similar dynamic over computer use. Mom doesn't want to get internet access because she says Dad would never get any sleep.

[eloquentwthrage.livejournal.com]

"The Moon is a Harsh Mistress"

Linda Ronstadt covered this on her Get Closer album. It's always been a favorite of mine.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Don't know whether I've heard that version. It's certainly the song that has stuck with me the most all these years, besides "Send in the Clowns".

[lilactime.livejournal.com]

Aww... you were right around the corner from me. I'm a block away from the Gladstone. :(

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Wow, now that I know, I'll keep it in mind. I go down to Queen Street fairly frequently.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Whenever I find myself spending a lot of time playing solitaire, I try to ask myself, "What am I avoiding?" Sometimes simply answering the question will suggest a different course of action.

But there are also lots of times when we need to set those worries aside and not feel that we have to be productive, which is why I try to regard computer games as a kind of meditation. It doesn't do any good giving myself grief over it anyway.