Feeling

[vaneramos]

A friend posted something about crying over cheesy movies (and at other unexpected times), and it related closely to what I've been thinking about today, partly because of that song by Dahlia that makes me weepy. I practically never cry in front of other people, but I don't consider this a strength. I've been considering the need to embrace complex emotions, even the ones we're taught to consider dangerous, like sorrow, anger and infatuation.

So I'll repost this comment, with apologies to anyone who has already read it.

I had the same reaction to What Dreams May Come, and I've only seen it once. I've seen The Joy Luck Club, at least ten times, and always cried during the final scene, until recently.

It seems to me depression comes from shutting down intense emotions. I felt a release from depression yesterday, and today felt all kinds of complex emotions welling up, bringing me close to tears, feelings I had shut off for several weeks, things I actually needed to feel.

Our society tells us it's inappropriate, particularly for men, to feel deeply. I doubt it. This fear of losing control might come from witnessing male violence and abuse, or from thinking we will seem weak if we cry or otherwise express passion. Really, crying isn't a sign of weakness or losing control. It takes courage to embrace deep emotion and allow the energy to flow through us.

Much of mental illness arises because we're alienated from our feelings, and don't trust them.

Comments

[aboutlooking.livejournal.com]

Yes!

And beautiful image.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

From the water we love. :-)

[artricia.livejournal.com]

Wow -- that's not a painting? I like this: "Much of mental illness arises because we're alienated from our feelings, and don't trust them."

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

interesting ... lostncove just posted on a related topic

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Wow, it's going around.

[missprune.livejournal.com]

Is that a photo - it's amazing - looks like an ancient Chinese scroll painting somehow. I hope the reposted comment is from more or less now - and that you are feeling that relief/release today.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, this is the place where I am today.

And that photo is the place where I was yesterday. I'm so glad for the zoom on this camera that allows me to get close to these reflections I've been observing forever.

[vaysha.livejournal.com]

Thank you.
This is beautiful and as someone who also suffers from depression I understand it so well.
Have you ever read Care of the Soul by Thomas Moore?
I think you'd love it it has a lot of messages within that address this very thing.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I have The Re-Enchantment of Everyday Life, got a ways into it a few years ago, then got distracted. Enjoyed what I read, in fact it profoundly affected my thinking at the time. I need to set aside more time for reading books.

[vaysha.livejournal.com]

See if you can find care of the soul- if not let me know I might be able to find a copy locally in the second hand shop and send it your way.

[champdaddy.livejournal.com]

Of course, the trick is being in touch with your emotions without letting them rule.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

That's true. There's also a trick to engaging rationality without letting it rule. ;-)

[bill-kiowa.livejournal.com]

"I practically never cry in front of other people, but I don't consider this a strength."

I'm the same way and have often wondered why. I guess that "boys don't cry" ethos is still present in the back of my mind, as I almost exclusively cry when alone. I wouldn't consider this to be a strength either, being more of an unnecessary and possibly detrimental bottling up of perfectly natural and healthy emotions.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I imagine some of my programming comes from growing up with two much older brothers, and needing to prove I was a big boy, too. Also there was my internalized homophobia, and not wanting to seem like a sissy at school.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Wow, thanks!

[poetbear.livejournal.com]

crying isn't a sign of weakness or losing control.

quite true. i like this reflection as well or better than
any of yours i've seen.~paul

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks Paul. This is one image I couldn't capture without the zoom feature on the new camera. I've been seeing reflections like this one for years, but not been able to photograph them adequately.

[grandiva1968.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks my friend.

[grandiva1968.livejournal.com]

There's more where that came from.

[token-otter.livejournal.com]

I doubt I will ever believe that showing emotion will ever be a sense of weakness (of course I grew up in a very understanding household). Movies should do exactly that: provoke thought and make you feel something, whether it be laughter, anger or tears. That would be the sign of a good movie. A great one does both. :) By the way found another great movie called The Prizewinner Of Defiance, Ohio. Julianne Moore and Woody Harrelson, excellent movie that left me crying at the end. :)

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Have you seen The Hours yet? I have it in my growing DVD collection. Danny mentioned you wanted to include it in a movie night sometime.

[bear-left.livejournal.com]

I practically never cry in front of other people, but I don't consider this a strength.

I find it incredibly difficult to cry, alone or in front of other people - although it's probably been six years since I cried in front of anyone else. And I am not proud of this in the slightest- I still can't believe I couldn't cry -- as a New Yorker -- during 9/11. Like you, I'm trying to engage rationality without letting it rule me, which is far harder than it sounds.

My amazing therapist back in NC taught me a lot about depression being about alienation, and to watch out for the difference for when I'm numb vs. when I'm sad or angry. Trying to embrace sadness & anger is not fun, nor is it easy, but I'm learning to embrace genuine emotions over the numbness that is the sure sign of falling back into depression.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

It's interesting that you mention 9/11. My canary died the following month, and that small event released a lot of tears about the state of the world. 9/11 also brought about a difficult spiritual episode. By the following February, I realized I had become an atheist, which brought about more grieving (the world seemed a lonelier place without God, at first).