Words

[vaneramos]

Drawing comes out of a wordless place. I've needed that outlet lately. Sometimes the words all sound the same. The art class facilitator gives me some ideas for recombining and approaching them freshly.

On the way out of Wyndham Art Supplies, I find an old pad of the Meridian Drawing paper that is so nice for Prismacolor pencils, 100 per cent rag, a slight cream colour. I haven't found one since forever. It's slightly battered around the corners, but I happily buy it for 10 per cent off.

In St. George's Square I buy a sausage on a bun and sit on a bench, watching pedestrians mill indifferently around the naked people in the fountain.

How many poems can one write about a willow tree? There are only so many things to say about the way it bends or cracks over the water, about darkness and grace, strength and fragility, the light in its leaves at different seasons, stories flowing underneath. Only so many words, but the willow transcends them all.

I remember. Wednesday evening driving to rehearsal in the westering light. Suddenly I come to a corner where the air is full of white petals. For a moment I am transported to an afternoon in April 1987 (I was 23), arriving in Vancouver by air and renting a car. The streets were full of pink drifts. I had never seen anything like it. Crabapple petals covering the city.

These white petals are falling from fragrant black locusts, glowing and flickering like a living veil, the bride of heaven, the fading song of spring. How many times can I see this and fall in love all over again? The words are still the same, and they burst within me.

This is Sempervivum arachnoideum.

Comments

[ink-ling.livejournal.com]

You wrote about this, though. In my completely biased opinion, words are the best medium by which to make the willow available to the public. Or rather: your experience of the willow.

At the same time, I believe we need to strengthen our private arts, our private exposures, our private stretchings. Without such, the public becomes a little routine, legalistic, overly economic.

The idea of the thing-in-itself has become, to me, the most powerful way to do that.

So, on that note, yes: merely:

Willow.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I wrote quite intentionally about the frustration of not knowing a new way of saying anything, and it's interesting how that struggle brought out new ideas and phrases.

I was interested to read your comment in Connor's journal about the religious background. It's one of the common grounds I have with him, together with married and having had daughter(s). However my family of origin was not religious (just conservative in its thinking). I embraced Christian fundamentalism at the age of 19, largely as a means of fleeing from myself and my sexuality. Subsequently got involved in the ex-gay movement, which contributed to profound fucked-upedness. It all collapsed when I was 31.

[ink-ling.livejournal.com]

I grew up in a very fundamentalist Church of Christ family. (I am "out" to them now, but they have stated they never want to hear a lover's name, anything about him, and he'll never enter their house. After my grandfather's death a year ago, I've allowed myself to forget how angry that rule made me (I didn't speak or visit for a year).

I was unmarried but with a woman (my current best friend, Beth) for 10 years before "coming out" -- with her help -- when I was 27, 28.

These experiences have lent me a somewhat unique perspective on queerness in general. Would definitely be interesting to hear more of your story, talk to you about this. (I just read your last entry about your crush on J -- really moving stuff that struck some distantly related chords with me, even though I quit acting Chistian the moment I left for college.)

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we must compare notes sometime. There are some parallels with my family, too, even though mine is not religious. And the antagonism has mellowed somewhat. How long since you came out to them?

[susandennis]

And for me, it is all about the puzzles. Look at the solids and the muteds and the textures... The perfect puzzle picture. Thank you!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I can see how this is a susandennis photo. You're welcome!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

P.S. My photos link directly to Flickr now, and I usually have an 800x600 version there, so you can always find it if you want it!

[susandennis]

And, I've been meaning to thank you for that! I do click right through and also check when I'm there for other stuff since you are one of my flickr buddies. I resisted using flickr for so long and while the user interface still annoys me, it is wonderful for puzzle picture shopping!!

[progbear.livejournal.com]

I ♥ Sempervivum! I’ve always wanted some of my very own.

Perhaps I should make a journey down to the nursery?

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, give it a try. One house on my street has a large bed full of them right beside the curb. This species is hardy in our severe winters. You might find a lot more.