Poetry reading

[vaneramos]

First, I'm sorry to Bill and the whole group of LJ friends gathered for Sunday night dinner, that I had to depart so soon after arriving. I would love to have spent an evening catching up with any one of you. The past few days have been emotionally intense. Not in a bad way, but tonight I hit the wall, and my body demanded to be taken home.

The poetry reading this afternoon went over pretty well, although I was quite nervous in front of an audience of more than 30 people, about half of them strangers. I will suggest and try to arrange for a podium to be provided next time OOTS holds an event such as this. Some writers don't like them, but others need them, and unfortunately I fall within the latter group. I'm capable of controlling my voice well, but my hands shake badly when I'm nervous, so if I have to hold whatever I'm reading, the pages tremble and my anxiety becomes visually perceptible to everyone. I managed to get through it, even made a joke about it, but a podium would have put me more at ease. Call it hiding, if you will. But I'm not an actor, I'm a poet.

I had worried that the reading might be too much for Brenna, because my poetry can be intensely personal. I had made it clear I didn't expect her to attend, but that she was welcome. Well, after I finished reading, while I was still shaking with excitement, she was the first person to make her way through the crowd, and say, "You did a great job." For me, that was the most touching moment out of an emotionally packed weekend.

My poetry seemed well-received, although to be quite frank, I felt that the mostly-straight audiences I had five and six years ago received it more warmly. Presumably my voice holds more novelty for them. There were exceptions today, though: a few people obviously, deeply moved by what I read.

Two poems received specific compliments. No surprises there, really. "Bathhouse lovers", written in 2000 and not yet published anywhere online, has always been somebody's favourite whenever I've read it. Gay people seem puzzled that straight people could appreciate it, but I am not surprised. It's not so much about "sex on the wild side" as about craving connection, which practically everyone can relate to.

And another friend said one of my new poems brought her to tears: "Kathy". I think it's one of my best, and this was my first opportunity to read it to a live audience, so I'm pleased it moved someone that way.

I was also encouraged by the large number of local friends who turned out to support me, or the library. Besides Brenna, Danny and the other OOTS volunteers, there was Laura from Two Rivers, and a bunch from the Rainbow Chorus: Sylvie, Les, Marg, Paula, Jen, Margie and a new member whose name escapes me. Also John "SirBear" and Mike. I doubt any of them will read this, but my thanks goes out.

Comments

[winterknight.livejournal.com]

i'm sorry i missed it. :( by the time i remembered i wanted to go, i was up to my ears in halloween costume. :p poo.

[winterknight.livejournal.com]

on the other hand, many congrats for a good reading. i'm glad you had a good time.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

You were missed, but happily I had a good number of friends there. I finally get a quiet day today, and am looking forward to writing with you this aft!

[missprune.livejournal.com]

Well done, Van! Congratulations. It takes a lot of courage. I was quite surprised by that, the one time I read a poem to an audience. I salute you.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

The other times I've done poetry readings I didn't notice I was nervous as much, but not having a lectern was somewhat of a problem for me. A glass or red wine beforehand wouldn't have hurt, either!

[myownghost.livejournal.com]

i'd have liked to hear "Kathy" read aloud, as i remember liking it very much on the screen. it seems to me that deeply moving a few would be just the right size response for poems as personal as that. the only times i've ever read my poems in public, it was to a small circle of women, and i was seated in the circle, not standing. i made a couple of them cry, not quite what i was aiming for but maybe a sort of barometer for how that kind of poetry works on people.

brenna's response was lovely.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Reading in a circle is a great experience, whether it's a group of writers or other people who share some level of intimacy. Although I had a lot of friends there on Sunday, nearly half the people were strangers, which undoubtedly added an edge to my nerves. I still managed to enjoy the experience, though.

[lichtgespinst.livejournal.com]

Congratulations Van!!!! good to hear that everybody had a good time.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks, except for my shaky hands it was a positive experience! ;-)

[rsc.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear it went well. Technically, what you want is not a podium, but a lectern.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[teddyb.livejournal.com]

It was great to see you at Sunday Dinner, even if briefly. It was obvious you were tired and stressed from trying to get a number of things done at once, so I'm sure everyone (myself included) understood.

I'm glad you were able to get a bit of rest, and that the poetry reading went so well.

Hope to see you again soon, bud!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks, and I managed to get a good sleep last night, so I'm somewhat recharged. It was nice to see you. Hugs.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

So happy for you that it went well!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thank you!