Hormones and creativity

[vaneramos]

Weird. I don't need a calendar to tell me it's the middle of February. My body is peculiarly tuned to increasing daylight. Most of my life I was out of touch with my physical body, so I recognized the pattern only within the past decade, and as it only happens once a year, it still packs a surprise. Especially because I'm usually more an affectionate sort (caresses and big hugs please), and can take or leave deep, gritty sexual contact. This late winter day, while many people were still struggling with Seasonal Affective Disorder, it took one sunshiny afternoon to dispel my sluggishness. Recent days raised noticeable signals, and inevitably the feeling will swell its course over four or five months, but essentially it started in the space of one hour, even a moment, like nature flicking a switch.

Suddenly I am a walking hormone.

I had to write this because trapezebear posted an offer of virtual hugs, and I realized—with blazing clarity—that given the opportunity I would take a lot more. Not quite my everyday tentative self.

I had a particularly good time writing morning pages before work, fuelled by the exercise posted yesterday. A while back I tested the hypothesis that February was my best month for writing poetry. All my poems since 1994 have been saved according to the date I wrote them, so this was easy to investigate. The result was dumbfounding: some huge proportion, like one-quarter of all the hundreds of poems I had ever composed, were written in February.

Last year I anticipated February and used it to publish the chapbook. This year it caught me off guard again. This morning my mind was clearer than I can remember in months. Words came easily, refreshingly.

I knew a classy drag queen named Norma Love who sang all her own lyrics. Norm believed sexual and creative energy were the same thing. I suggest there's a strong link.

Comments

[quirkstreet.livejournal.com]

Yes. Well. In addition to giving and receiving hugs, I have all of a sudden tossed off a number of times this week. So I am more hormonal than I have been the last few weeks, too.

I was going to write you an email to say "It sounds as though work is going well and that things are pretty good and sorry I haven't had more to say because I've been a little tired and low myself" but now I can think salacious thoughts at you on top of that.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, things are good. I've been averaging a little less than 30 hours a week and wouldn't mind working more. Funny I should feel that way. But it is enough for now, and in every other respect I'm happy with work. Seems my other hours of the day are turning to be productive, too, and in a way that's good for me.

I actually expected to work tomorrow, but it turns out I have the whole weekend off, which is why I feel a little at loose ends this afternoon, wanting someone to do, and amused at the feeling. So I'll savour those thoughts.

Fortunately I have plans for Saturday p.m.

[missprune.livejournal.com]

I wish February would bring poetry back to me. I feel faint stirrings, but the altered state I seem to need for creating real poetry - it just is not there.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Lately I've been wondering about the impulse to be productive. How very Western it is, even the drive to be productive at something as ethereal as poetry. But we can't really help being what we are, or wanting what we want. I would urge you to be gentle on yourself, and not place too much importance on writing—on the other hand I understand the desire to create something beautiful, and would savour the opportunity to read any new verses from your pen.

[mattycub.livejournal.com]

It's interesting how living in LA has altered the subtle shifts I perceive in myself with the changing of the seasons. We basically don't seem to have them here - while it's less warm during the day, and a bit chillier at night then when I first moved here, the same moderate temperatures and sunny skies I saw on the first day I moved here are the ones I experienced today. I've been told winter is usually a rainy season here, but I haven't seen hardly a drop of it. We're down seven inches from our normal amount of rainfall at this time, so I guess it is somewhat of an abberation. Still, it's almost liek this is the land that seasons forgot.

As a consequence, the normal winter blahs and feeling of rejuvenation when the signs of Spring start appearing have kind of been flattened out. I miss the differences in the seasons - but it's hard to argue with 70 degrees and sunny, even when it is every day.

I do know this, though, with the pneumonia really clearing up, I'm feeling pretty randy again. Which is the best sign yet that I truly am over the hump.

Miss you. All the virtual hugs you wish are yours for the taking.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Matty. I'm sorry to hear you were so sick. Pneumonia is not fun (I had it the summer I was eight, and wasn't allowed to run or go outside). But I'm glad you've rounded the bend.

70 degrees and sunny every day kind of appeals to me. That's like our finest spring weather. I really don't care for Ontario's winters or summers, but suspect I would miss the changes.

I do hope to be able to set aside a little money to travel now that I'm working. Here's hoping.

[butterflyminds.livejournal.com]

We've just had a period of lovely clear blue skies here in central Scotland, only for it to turn dull the last two or three days. I've had SAD since last summer due to being indoors too much, and really feel a lot better when the skies are clear. Now I'm back to being a bit sluggish. I have a project I'm supposed to be finishing this year and its been hit hard by the SAD. I should really have finished it by now, or sometime soon. As it is, I can see it dragging on to the end of the summer or even the autumn.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I imagine the extremes of daylight are even more severe in Scotland than here in Ontario. That's one thing I wouldn't like about living in your part of the world, but on the other hand I dislike the severe winter cold we traditionally have here. I do hope you feel better soon.

And welcome to my journal!