Another aftermath

[vaneramos]

I still haven't shed a tear. I don't know what this means. When I mentioned this on the phone last night to Joyce, a close friend of Mom's, she said it's normal to feel numb, but I don't feel numb either. I simply enjoyed the opportunity to spend some days with Dad, and introduce my dear Danny to Poplar Bluff and a few family friends and relatives. Happiness is what Mom would want for us. Still, I fear the ball will drop at some awkward moment, catching me in the midst of life when I must carry on normally, as if nothing had happened.

The obituary, which was published in the Windsor Star, also appears online with a guest book.

The weather could hardly have been more beautiful for this time of year. Yesterday our friends the MacEwans and Almonds joined us for lunch. In the afternoon we walked far along the Lake Erie ice with Duncan Almond and his sister, Nicky, whom I have known since childhood.

This afternoon, on the drive home, we stopped to visit Aunt Carol. She hit it off with Danny immediately, and began planning activities to include him. I knew she would, but the reality moved me deeply.

We returned safely to Guelph this evening, despite getting stopped just minutes between a huge fiery crash on Highway 401. Danny caught the bus to Toronto. Letting him go was harder than usual, but I am well.

Comments

[vaysha.livejournal.com]

just sending my love out, Van.
Take good care of precious you during this time.
♥

[ironbark.livejournal.com]

I think it is quite normal not to have obvious displays of emotion at a parents death.

I was sad, and I still think of them from time to time, especially my mother, but I could not cry when she died even though I was her favourite.

A parents passing is something that is to be expected. You have had a lifetime to prepare for it. With my mother, she was not happy in the final months of her life so it was almost a reflief when she was at last at peace with herself and we were pleased for her.

Keep the good time memories of her close to your heart and she will never truly have left.

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

i was very calm when my mother died (also of cancer) and can't say that i've ever cried my heart out over her death. your reaction seems perfectly normal to me. (i find that grief hits in small bursts as time goes on. but that's just me.)

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

the way it works with me is that the grief gets let out little by little with relatively few moments of breaking down ... there are many different ways people can react

[djjo.livejournal.com]

Big hugs love. I'm glad I was able to be there for you and you father. It also meant a lot having the warm welcome from your friends and family.

Be well and take the gifts each day gives you.

[missprune.livejournal.com]

don't worry about no tears, Van. I learned when my parents died that the road of mourning is long and bumpy and not what one expects. I don't think I really cried until much later. Besides, you know me - I believe the dead can surround us for a time with some of their own peace, and it sounds as though your mom was in a peaceful place.

[bixie.livejournal.com]

that's a nice obit, and a(nother) lovely picture of your mum.

I'm sure that there will be 'inconvenient' times when it will hit you, and that's part of life. I think it's probably true both that you have done some grieving already through the course of her illness, and also that the depth of the loss has not hit you yet. my observation with the loss of parents is that the grieving is never really over; there will always be future situations where their absence feels more acute than others. which is to say, be easy on yourself.

I wonder if she was cared for through the same place my pipi was (I don't actually know where he was being seen; he declined any kind of active treatment so the care was palliative meds and nurses coming to the house, which wouldn't have necessarily been through the cancer center).

also, your photos of lake erie are great! we saw the frozen lake edge when we stopped at rondeau park, but it wasn't as beautiful as it appears in your photos (our stop seemed more gritty and splintered, less of the sweeping views and crispness of your area).