Dad

[vaneramos]

I remain unexpectedly home. With severe thunderstorms on the move last night, Dad phoned to say he would be more comfortable if I were to wait and drive down this morning. It's typical of him to worry about weather, but it suited me, because I was tired and sore from three days of painting.

During my teen years Dad was aloof and preoccupied with political ideals that repulsed me. His fastidiousness brought us into frequent conflict, because I left an artistic mess in my wake wherever I went. Only recently have I learned to keep our shared spaces clean out of respect, though his fussiness can still get under my skin at times.

After I came out Dad was the only member of my immediate family who stood up for me and expressed interest in my personal life. Since Mom's death, he has become more open and vulnerable.

We have always liked the same things—gardening, symphony concerts, good movies, the cottage, and even musicals—but now that he is fully retired we are actually finding time to spend together. We've even fielded the idea of traveling to Europe, first time for both of us, which would be awesome. When I tell him about my artistic pursuits, he says he wishes he had pursued a more creative path in life. I remind him he still has his health and energy, and most likely a good deal of time. He agrees.

Even two years ago I wouldn't have looked forward this way to spending a week with him. Whatever has changed between us, I'm grateful that we're becoming good friends.

I took this photo on Dad's 40th birthday, May 28, 1973. I was nine years old. I remember baking the cake and candying the violets.

Comments

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

that's really nice, van! i'm happy that you enjoy spending time with your dad now. my own dad became much more gentle and open as he got older, especially after mom died. i liked sitting and talking to him.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

It's interesting how those relationship dynamics work, isn't it. While Mom was alive Dad always believed he had to "wear the pants", though he never put it in those words. Now that he isn't so preoccupied with looking after other people's feelings, he can acknowledge his own.

[estherandmia.livejournal.com]

how wonderful that you have such a great connection with your father now!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, it is an unexpected joy.

[shawnsyms.livejournal.com]

Lovely. Thank you.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Shawn, you're welcome.

[trinapink.livejournal.com]

So nice. He sounds like a good man. I love the picture, and the cake is gorgeous. I've always wanted to candy violets.

Here's my (unasked for) advice: GO to Europe!! It'll be a trip for a lifetime, Van. I spent three weeks in Italy with my father-in-law a few years ago, and I wouldn't trade those weeks for anything. He's gone now, and I cherish those memories.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I will try. When purchasing tickets to New York last fall I noticed the cheapness of flights from Toronto to London.

[missprune.livejournal.com]

Finally catching up on your posts... Your dad had a lovely smile at forty, and I bet he still does. I am so impressed you candied the violets. Candied violets were a rare luxurious treat when i was a child in Rome. I never imagined one could actually create them at home. Darn.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

It was easy to do. It seems I don't have the recipe anymore, but there are various ones online, so maybe I'll try it again sometime.

[mattycub.livejournal.com]

My connection with my father has been a source of great joy for me; I'm glad you're uncovering that in your own life now.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I've admired your relationship with your dad, Matty. I've been on reasonable terms with mine for a few years now, but I'm glad that we're actually becoming close.