Imagine

[vaneramos]

As a child I was the archetypal dreamer. Whenever possible I would sit alone on the school bus, gazing out the window. I never caused trouble in school, except for failing to pay attention.

The imaginary playmates of early childhood persisted into my teens, taking the form of chivalrous adventurers. The worlds of C.S. Lewis and Ursula K. LeGuin were real to me, as were my own private ones. My favourites characters were the seven lords from The Voyage of the Dawne Treader, who offered freedom to explore different personalities: prosaic, benevolent, greedy. I was especially Restimar, the dreamer. These had nothing to do with Lewis's actual characters, except for the way Caspian followed them across an uncharted sea. I went looking for honour and belonging.

I believed so deeply in my imagination that I expected these secret friends to arrive—on a spaceship perhaps—and rescue me from the world of harsh lines, loud music and mean children. I would peer hopefully at familiar strangers in stores and restaurants.

Where did my companions go? I blame religion and technology. Upon converting to Christianity at 19, I began transferring my imagination to faith in an invisible god who would someday deliver me (as in a spaceship) to a better world. But it turned out to be a world of ill-conceived rules. Now I'm so jaded I hesitate to believe anything.

Computers have taken the place of imaginary friends. Gaming software provides endless distraction. Technology has commodified entertainment. Gone are the days when kids (and adults) had to invent their own games. This is the death of daydreams, and it's diabolical.

It's a hard choice to refuse this convenience, like deciding not to buy beef for environmental reasons when beef is affordable and delicious. Don't worry, I'm not about to dispense with computers. They're too valuable a tool for the artist. The internet is rife with opportunities for dreaming, if you approach it the right way.

It's all a matter of economy. Now is the time to conserve the psychic environment and rebuild a habitat for imagination.

Comments

[estherandmia.livejournal.com]

what a wonderful image! thanks so much for sharing!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. My little river can be so enchanting and inspiring.

[artricia.livejournal.com]

This entry is hitting me very hard.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

You are in the midst of one of life's most creative acts, initiating a new human. Please, don't be too hard on yourself. But I imagine you feel you have no time or energy for certain things that matter to you. Is that what you mean?

[(Anonymous)]

Sorry to have been so vague -- these days, I aim just to get the thought out as quickly as possible in case I don't have time to get it out at all.

What I mean is that I've let technology rule me. It's something I've struggled with (or more accurately, suffered from) for a long time. I think the internet has become a way for me to procrastinate on all kinds of important things. Sometimes, it's certainly something I need to cut myself some slack on -- graduate school and motherhood have both been fairly isolating (motherhood less so, believe it or not).

At this point, I can't remember if there was more that the entry jogged in me. But it's a wise entry, direct and well-written.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Okay, I understand better. Thanks for the comment, and keep up the good fight.

[inishglora.livejournal.com]

That image is evocative of The Lady of Shalott.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I love Loreena McKennitt's version of that. I also get hit in the gut every time I read something by Mary Oliver.

[daoi.livejournal.com]

I was so much like that as a child. These days it literally feels like my head is too hard inside when I try to imagine those kinds of things in depth. I find myself practicing at it though.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I hope it has more to do with habit than simply growing up.

[daoi.livejournal.com]

Hope so too. I'm preferring to view it as a muscle that needs to be flexed to grow strong. They say that about the brain, at least. I don't know if I'm already too full of facts and grown up things.

But Jim Henson says: "As children, we all live in a world of imagination, of fantasy, and for some of us that world of make-believe continues into adulthood."

I want to believe I can be that.