Denise

[vaneramos]

Nearly three years ago, when I started volunteering Tuesday evenings at Out On The Shelf, the partner on my shift was Denise, a shy Catholic woman just coming out of her shell. A year or two younger than me, she had never had a relationship and wasn't sure where she identified herself in the queer spectrum, but as a social worker, had volunteered out of honest desire to broaden her understanding of people and herself. She was so quiet, every time she said something I had to ask her to repeat herself, louder, but she has always been one of the best listeners I know.

We have continued to share a shift all this time. And she blossomed. About 18 months ago she met Carolyn, who is loud and outgoing, but like Denise in warmth and concern for others. I have been honoured, being privy to Denise's journey from uncertainty to excitement and happiness. Last summer, they adopted a cat from the university and moved into an apartment together.

However they also began discussing ideas of moving somewhere with a more temperate winter, particularly west so they could be closer to Denise's large family. A few weeks ago Carolyn landed a good job in Victoria. The cat is too old to make the trip, so they found a new home for her and began selling furniture. On Good Friday a truck will pick up the rest of their possessions and they will set out on the cross-country journey by car.

Tonight the OOTS volunteers held a farewell party. Denise gave a brief speech, in her loudest voice, thanking all of us and the community organization through which she met Carolyn. I got teary-eyed.

It's a sentimental side of myself that has not surfaced in many years. Since coming out I've experienced many losses of friends, but mostly they were the kind accompanied by growing up and growing into myself, the wrong kinds of relationships ending, accompanied by mixtures of relief, anger and disappointment.

I'm not losing Denise as a friend, and all the reasons for this change are happy, but I have this beautiful, bittersweet emotion. Although familiar, it hasn't blossomed for a good long time. Probably it can only appear in the soil of a life that has finally put down deeper roots.

Comments

[noveldevice.livejournal.com]

*hugs* It is tough to have a friendship transplanted like that, I know.

But also: Yay for moving to BC! ;)

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks, and yes, BC is awesome!

[missprune.livejournal.com]

I believe it may be a symptom of an opened heart. :o) which is a good thing though leads to frequent tears, I'm told!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I take after my mother, who wept over goodbyes more than anything else. But she was never sad for long.

[rsc.livejournal.com]

And now you have an excuse to visit Vancouver Island (which I highly recommend).

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

It is my favourite travel destination. I've been there twice. It's not a good enough excuse though. From Toronto it costs twice as much to fly to Vancouver as it does to New York or London.

[(Anonymous)]

I have lost so many friends to that darn province. In the 90's it seemed half the gay community in Ontario moved out there. I hope you keep in touch with her.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, it does seem popular. I had another friend move there a few years ago, too.

[bezigebij.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing this, and I really like the term "Out on the Shelf".

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yep, it's our queer library!