The evicted church

[vaneramos]

With free time this week, and finally back into a routine, I have been working with a passion on characterization for Pilgrim's Cross. Research has carried me into topics like fundamentalist churches, and the experiences of Native Canadian women.

I was pleased to discover Out On The Shelf has several books on the latter topic, including an erotic collection by Chrystos, one of the few First Nations lesbian poets whose works have been successfully published.

Some strange things have turned up. While looking over conservative Christian churches in Ontario, I came across Wikipedia's entry on Great Commission International, the mostly-American movement to which I belonged from 1983 to 1995.

Guelph's Grace Community Church, formerly University Bible Studies, was the only successful Canadian congregation.

The article details history of public criticism I was ever only vaguely aware of. One ex-member claims Great Commission fostered "learned helplessness" in members. That has been an issue for me, though I never heard the term until four years ago.

Wikipedia also mentions University Bible Studies was banned from University of Guelph campus in 1989. I remember that. In fact I was president of the club at that time, although I was just set up in that role to fulfill university club status requirements, and possessed no authority.

Even stranger, the reference link turned up an old Globe and Mail article. This referred to a close friend of mine since public school, who had previously had a born again experience, came to visit me in Guelph one weekend, loved the church and decided to move here.

The Guelph investigation... was prompted by complaints to the university from the family of a woman member of UBS.

Members of the family, not identified by the university or the students to protect their privacy, said, they believe their daughter, who is in her early 20s, was forced to marry a UBS member.

The family complained to university president Brian Segal that they lost virtually all contact with their daughter after she joined the Bible club two years ago while studying at the University of Windsor.

They said she underwent a dramatic personality change, rejected her family, then transferred to the University of Guelph. They thought she was continuing her undergraduate studies in Guelph, but discovered later that she was not enrolled as a student but was working as a UBS recruiter.

What an odd, irresponsible article, claiming to protect the innocent in order to obviate appropriate sourcing. No one coerced my friend to come to Guelph; she was a stubborn, devout young woman who desired escape from an interfering mother. Upon arrival she quickly found a job as a nanny, which she loved. The pastors preached strongly on the matter of honouring one's parents, even above church authority, and did not encourage my friend to cut off communication with her family; quite the opposite. The university and newspaper unwittingly served the family's agenda of denying responsibility, casting blame on the church and shame on their daughter.

UBS deserved to be evicted from campus. It had previously excommunicated several people, including a confessed lesbian, an engaged Asian student couple who admitted to having premarital sex, and at least one other person for unspecified reasons. These shunnings were consistent with the church's teachings, but were insupportable in the university community.

I severed ties with her along with everyone else when I left in 1996. She and her husband also moved away, and I hear their marriage ended badly, which is sad.

Now I understand why the church did not formally excommunicate me when I ceased an attitude of repentance about my gay identity. The movement had come under wide criticism: among other things, for shunning an estimated 500 people between 1976 and 1986. Great Commission has made some effort to respond to complaints and mend its ways; of this too, I was only vaguely aware (the public relations problem was never discussed publicly in the Guelph church). If I had wanted to remain friends with individuals, some would have encouraged it, but a few treated me badly. I knew there was no place for me in that church. I was in sad shape, even suicidal, and needed to make a clean break.

No wonder it is hard to get around to writing this book, with so much difficult personal history to be avoided. But now here I am, getting around to it.

My mind is like a cancer, metastasizing through realms of ideas and intrigue. If I scrutinize too closely the task of assembling all the threads of this novel, I become overwhelmed. Living in the present must prevail. I have no useful time frame to consider except this particular afternoon, this hour, the laptop screen and the shaft of sunlight near my shoulder.

Comments

[missprune.livejournal.com]

I imagine that once the turmoil of dealing with all these issues has subsided, this writing will be a tremendous exorcism for you?

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

It already has been. When I wrote the first draft during NaNoWriMo several years ago, I did't want to grind an axe, just shed light on the devastating ex-gay experience. Back when, people around me were mostly kind-hearted and well-meaning, but their only source of ideas was the Bible. They were stupid about sexuality and the mortal danger of forcing a triangular peg into a square hole.

Afterward I was furious, of course, especially with myself for being such an ignorant bigot. Approaching the issue through fiction forced me to look at things from many different sides, and to have compassion for other people and even the judgmental coward I used to be.

That November was one intense month! A person can only take so much exorcism at once. After I realized the thing needed to be really written, it was too, too easy to set aside. About that, too, I must be patient.

[E, sorry for all the edits in your inbox.]

[missprune.livejournal.com]

not to worry - I don't get comments etc in my inbox.

[inishglora.livejournal.com]

"...forcing a triangular peg into a square hole" *blink* That's brilliant! Never thought of it that way.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Haha, neither had I. Just a flash of inspiration. :-)

[(Anonymous)]

The stubborn, devout young woman of whom you speak bids you hello. Isn't it strange that we should both be perusing our past and come across the same article, and then I find you writing about me online. It is a strange experience when you become a voyeur to other's thoughts of you in a distant past.

Thank you Bill, for that is how I know you, for giving me a fair shake in this journal entry, and for thinking the same things I have thought in the past few days about the university's behaviour in this matter.

And if old friend, I have offended you or betrayed you, forgive me, for I have never forgotten you.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Very strange indeed. I'm glad you felt the shake was a fair one. I hope you understand the "clean break" I made at the time was a matter of survival. For a while I couldn't stand being around religious people at all, but that has changed. I wouldn't be able to write meaningfully about my experiences (or think about them, for that matter), if I had not developed new compassion for most of the people involved. Actual contact with people from the past still frightens me, but that seems to have come in merciful, manageable trickles. As for forgiveness, I have come to believe (but don't expect you to agree with me) we need it more from ourselves than anyone else. Be well.