The headlight lesson

[vaneramos]

Early last month one of the headlights went out on the Sunfire. I hardly had any money to spare, but stopped at Canadian Tire and bought a new bulb. I went under the hood and discovered, to my chagrin, that the light was inaccessible. Newer cars are designed so that an amateur can't perform the most basic repairs and maintenance. What a ripoff!

I was sure a trip to the mechanic would cost $40 or $50, which I didn't have. So for several weeks I drove to and from work with only one headlight. I avoided turning them on whenever possible.

Here are two things that could kill me: anxiety over having no money, and the fear of getting in trouble. When the police pull you over you get in trouble and receive a fine you can't afford.

Fortunately, nothing bad happened. And work has been steady, so I have gradually built a small reserve of funds.

On Tuesday I took the car to Mike's Automotive and told Mike what had happened with the bulb. He cheerfully installed it in a few minutes and charged $15.

Since then, each morning as I was getting ready to drive to work, and each afternoon as I was getting ready to drive home, I nearly had a panic attack. I did not realize how intensely anxious I had been about that headlight until the problem was solved. My body kept carrying on as if there was still a problem. In the space of three weeks I had developed a minor phobia about driving. That's the hardest thing about anxiety: it erupts from the instinctive reptilian brain. It is irrational.

I once said to my therapist: "There's nothing bad going on, so I don't understand why I feel so awful."

She said, "It's because you're used to feeling that way."

In other words, I probably procrastinated getting the headlight fixed because I needed something to be unhappy about.

Comments

[inishglora.livejournal.com]

I suppose it's easier to stay in a rut than climb out of one. I've often thought that if my hearing had not gotten worse in the last few years, I still would have found something else to be unhappy about.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you mentioned that. Lately I've been frustrated over my shift toward farsightedness, but as you suggest, there's no point getting in that rut.

[rsc.livejournal.com]

The shift toward farsightedness is evidence that you made it past 40, which is altogether a good thing.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

But I want to go back to 17 and give it another try. Haha! Not really.

[threestarblue.livejournal.com]

that's a great way to "look" at it.

[snousle.livejournal.com]

The headlight problem can be worse - like on my car, where you have to spray a little plastic lever with silicone and wiggle it ever so gently to release the lamp, otherwise it goes "Snap!" in your fingers and your $10 bulb suddenly becomes a $400 problem... sigh.

But yeah, I know exactly what you are talking about, right down to the post-repair anxiety.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Ayayay, did that happen to you? I actually did break some plastic rivets trying to get at the headlight, but nothing vital.

[snousle.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, yes. I nearly had a meltdown over it because the nearest VW shop is 50 miles away. It's not that I don't have the money, it's that the whole problem seems so unnecessary. If only I had been more patient it would never have happened.

I ended up having a mechanic permanently screw the headlight assembly back together - in a few years, when the new bulb burns out, I will have to fork out several hundred dollars to have the whole thing replaced. :-(

I suspect that the design choices that have led to the non-maintainability of cars by ordinary people actually do save money in the long run, but it sure is annoying. Sometimes the conveniences and efficiencies of modern life are hardly worth the feelings of alienation they cause.

[threestarblue.livejournal.com]

it may be good to take note of this entry. keep squishing bad thoughts and replace them with better ones. xo better = happy.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, in the light of generally feeling better and more optimistic since the beginning of the year, it was amusing to observe how poorly I had handled this one small problem. But also a mistake I would rather avoid.

[mhkrabat.livejournal.com]

Running a garage as I do, I make it a point to replace the headlamp bulb for free whenever possible. If it's a total goatrope to deal with, you might get a bill for 10-20 dollars. We replaced one in a Subaru that took almost an hour to accomplish and I still refused to charge for it (65USD/hr). The car owner stood by and watched the whole thing, tipping the tech a 20.00.