Bette Anne

[vaneramos]

This morning I saw Bette Anne at the farmers' market. She was a friend in university, and I bump into her around town once every five years or so. Her wavy brown hair has turned crinkly and frosty. She has a bright-eyed, interesting Dutch face that has taken well to middle age. With her warm, energetic demeanour I suppose she will only grow lovelier.

When she asks, "How are you?" you can't give the superficial answer. She really wants to know about your life. So I told her about organ building and writing.

Then it occurred to me, she was one of the few Christian friends who accepted my coming-out, not only accepted but affirmed my grasp for self-acceptance. The first time I told her, I remember her saying, "My husband and I have friends who tried to stop being gay. It doesn't work. It is not good."

Bette Anne's background is Dutch Reformed, but her faith is fervent, positive and practical. Her children are in their late teens, but she says she has given up having any career ambitions for herself. Her life revolves around community, volunteering, and people. The only time she sits still, she says, is when she is talking to people.

So I found myself telling her about Pilgrim's Cross, a novel based on my experience in the ex-gay movement. I had to explain what the ex-gay movement was.

"That must be hard to write," she said.

"It was very hard writing the first draft a few years ago. I had to develop compassion for the stupid person I used to be, for the stupid people who were around me. No one is really a complete villain. Most people are sincere—"

"You must have felt bitterness."

"Yes, but I couldn't write with bitterness. That would be bad writing."

Bette Anne rolled her eyes in acknowledgment.

"But I really believe the story needs to be told," I said.

"Is there anything else like it out there?"

"There's a movie, 'But I'm a Cheerleader', but it's a comedy. It's good, but it's a comedy. I haven't seen any serious fiction."

"Oh, it's fiction?"

"Yes, a novel. Sometimes that's the best way to tell a story. And that's the challenge for me now: trying to turn the first draft into literature."

It felt powerful to talk about Pilgrim's Cross as if I am writing it, because I actually am not just talking or thinking about it—I am writing every day.

Comments

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

I never even thought about it ... did you consider writing it as nonfiction?

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, but I can't stomach it. Some things are much too personal. For example, my marriage was awful, miserable, an essential part of the drama I went through, but to write about it would violate my ex-wife's privacy, and I have no business doing so. In the novel I create a completely different, fictitious marriage between a gay (or perhaps bisexual) man who is, admittedly, a lot like me, and a woman who is nothing like my ex-wife. I think it is a more interesting marriage than the one I had.

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

Her privacy, yes of course. Not to mention one or two other people ...

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Another way of putting it—fiction can be much more honest.

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

although - people do tend to assume that authors (or songwriters or poets) are writing autobiographically, when in fact they are making things up

it's even worse with photography, which (unless it's obviously faked) a lot of people assume is the unvarnished truth

[bezigebij.livejournal.com]

Yes, I agree. It gives you freedom to say things that you, out of respect for the people involved, wouldn't be able to say in a work of non-fiction.

Also, regarding saying that you are writing the book. I find that saying things allowed is a process of affirming that helps make things a reality.

[bezigebij.livejournal.com]

Also, maybe fiction allows you to dig deeper, say more, connect truths, weave things together in a fashion that might be true to a specific life but are true to life in the universal sense of the experience.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, freedom is the key. Setting aside worries about accuracy and objectivity, I can write more instinctively.

[inishglora.livejournal.com]

The great thing about discussions like this is that it tends to stir up new ideas and directions that otherwise might not have made themselves known.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, that's also the great thing about writing every morning. Even if I don't make daily progress on the actual writing of the novel, I am toying with characters, ideas, narrative voice, etc. Problems that used to seem intractable have a way of working themselves out, characters come alive, and new plot threads suggest themselves.

[eniastoa.livejournal.com]

Conversations like that are great, and the Farmer's Market is a great place for them. And writing because nobody else has tackled that yet is almost the best reason for writing.

These two bits leapt out at me:
"My husband and I have friends who tried to stop being gay. It doesn't work. It is not good." -- I can so easily hear that spoken exactly like that!

"Yes, but I couldn't write with bitterness. That would be bad writing."
Bette Anne rolled her eyes in acknowledgment.
-- very true, the narrator's/auctorial voice needs another focal point, but at the same time, the last thing you need is for every character to sound the same. There will be somewhere where bitterness will be natural in dialogue.

[bezigebij.livejournal.com]

There will be somewhere where bitterness will be natural in dialogue.

I agree with this. It is okay, and possibly necessary, to acknowledge the bitterness. Allowing it to saturate and dictate the story would be wrong, but the bitterness is part of the experience and this too should be told.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I love it when I have the presence of mind to record interesting conversations, because the way people talk is different from how they write. You're right about bitterness; I'm sure it will enter in, but I don't want to write with an axe to grind.