What I want

[vaneramos]

Monday was a holiday, of course, so I didn't work on the career question, however today I did. apel suggested delving into my feelings about why this is difficult, so I took a look at The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook and started working through the chapter on mistaken beliefs. I tried answering two questions.

Clearly certain beliefs hold me back from striving for what I want. I end up striving for what I think I can get. No wonder it doesn't excite me. None of this is new, but writing brings it into sharper focus.


1. What is it that I really want out of life? What would I attempt to do if I knew I could not fail?

I would love to travel the world exploring its greatest wildernesses and cities, experiencing different cultures. I would like to make a living from writing, particularly fiction novels and non-fiction articles about my experiences and the places I visit. I'd also like to express myself through music, photography and other visual art. I'd like to influence people to strive for a deeper cultural harmony with the Earth and nature.

2. Why don't I have these things?

• I can't make a living at most of these things.
• These goals involve personal risks I'm afraid to take.
• I'm too old to follow any of these dreams.
• I need more stability than this kind of life offers.
• I need a steady job to make ends meet.
• I can't afford to go back to school, travel or take time off to pursue any of these ideas.
• Anxiety and depression are a serious handicap.
• I don't have any ideas original enough to make it as an artist or writer.
• I'll be lonely if I pursue these dreams.

Another question comes to mind: how much do I substitute ambition for love?

Comments

[inishglora.livejournal.com]

All in #2 seem to be very valid. I have struggled with similar concerns, myself, with no real answers.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

None of the statements in #2 is completely untrue, however they are unbalanced, presenting a loud argument that regularly discourages me from taking serous steps to achieve what I want. Overall they present a gross distortion of the truth. I ignore or overlook my strengths and opportunities.

Number 1 is equally unrealistic. The truth of what is possible lies somewhere in between.

In the subsequent post, I made four points: realistic steps I can take to nudge my life along the path I want. Maybe you could, too?

[inishglora.livejournal.com]

I ignore or overlook my strengths and opportunities.

As do I. I'm my own worst enemy. I haven't written a word (yet) about how much that characteristic has been affecting me lately. I think it would be a case of TL,DR (too long, didn't read).