Flow

[vaneramos]

I've experienced a distinct and profound increase in energy since two weeks ago, a week after resuming dietary supplements.

The other day I mentioned my mood has become more stable, but actually that is an inaccurate statement, because my mood was stable and predictable before. The effort to get out of bed, go to work, run errands, prepare food, make plans of any kind, even do creative activities I enjoy, and spend time with friends and family: all these things were a daily struggle. It's not fatigue, but a lack of momentum. It makes me crave silence, stillness and withdrawal. It could be seriously depressing (on occasion it has been), but I've felt weary for vast tracts of my life, so I"m used to it and can talk myself through the necessities. I can even find joy in small things, but no amount of positive self-talk can overcome simple listlessness.

It's swimming upstream. It can be a bleak prospect. The only way is to take it a day at a time.

Now that I have energy, I generally don't have to talk myself into doing basic things like getting out of bed and washing the dishes. I want to. I can look forward to things I enjoy, even activities that felt like drudgery before. Instead of moving forward because it's my only choice, I feel optimism about effecting positive change. I'm no longer fighting the current, but can follow the flow of motivation and inspiration. This energy startles me because it's so rare.

I felt this way for half a year after I identified my gluten-intolerance and eliminated wheat from my diet in March 2008. I don't know why the benefit subsequently dwindled. Perhaps the new diet depleted certain nutrients.

I started taking vitamin D, omega-3s and multivitamins last fall and that helped. I don't clearly remember my decision to stop, but finances were a big source of stress at the time, and presumably I decided I couldn't afford to take pills that amount to roughly $50 a month. Now I think, how can I afford not to?

There's scarce benefit in dissecting old choices, little more in predicting the future. Who can say whether this flow of energy will last, or how long? Undeniably one of the pills is making a difference—vitamin D, omega-3s, vitamin B-complex (or the combination)—but I know better than to believe this will solve everything for always. Best not to think about it too much.

Accept what you get. Every day is a gift.

Comments

[missprune.livejournal.com]

Energy is bliss - as Blake said, I think - and isn't it true!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I like that quote!

[changeling72.livejournal.com]

My boyfriend is allergic to wheat. It's ridiculous how much food has wheat in it. Coming up with varied menus can be difficult!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I'm a foodie, but I've mostly enjoyed the transition to a wheat-free diet because it forces me to think outside the box. I seldom miss wheat except when it comes to dessert, but even then with a little inventiveness the wheat-free alternatives are often tastier. What foods does Chris enjoy? I'd been glad to share some recipes or tips.

[pippasporch.livejournal.com]

This is fabulous, Van. I am so happy for you! May this gift last a long time!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I hope so. Thank you, Pippa!