Martha Graham, on unhappiness, um, I mean dissatisfaction

[vaneramos]

On the other hand I wonder whether or not I should purpose in life to be happy. Joanna Paterson of Confident Writing welcomes the New Year by posting a quote from Martha Graham. Now I don't know much about modern dance, but I understand Graham's influence being compared (on PBS) "to that of Picasso’s on painting, Stravinsky’s on music, and Frank Lloyd Wright’s on architecture." Finding the source of the quote, I was fascinated by the entire context; also the final part, which had been omitted, about artistic dissatisfaction. It came originally from Alice de Mille, another dancer of Graham's generation:

The greatest thing she ever said to me was in 1943 after the opening of Oklahoma!, when I suddenly had unexpected, flamboyant success for a work I thought was only fairly good, after years of neglect for work I thought was fine. I was bewildered and worried that my entire scale of values was untrustworthy. I talked to Martha. I remember the conversation well. It was in a Schrafft's restaurant over a soda. I confessed that I had a burning desire to be excellent, but no faith that I could be. Martha said to me, very quietly, "There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. ... No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others."

I have referred to the idea of the artist's "divine dissatisfaction" before. I don't know whether Graham was the original source, whether I heard it somewhere else, or how it came to me, but I have often been aware of it.

Western society idolizes the human right to happiness. I don't believe we have any intrinsic rights. People have invented all of them, for good or ill. I don't deny anyone the value of pursuing happiness.

However, it is unnatural to be as happy as many people want. Any observation of the natural world reveals stress, drama and tragedy plague the lives of most animals. This would be true of plants, too, if we could perceive their responses. When I struggle with (clinical?) anxiety I am keenly aware it comes as a natural response to stress. So does dissatisfaction. Without dissatisfaction we would quickly die of starvation or some other basic negligence. Surely wild creatures experience happiness, too, and so should we. However, we cannot claim any right to pleasant emotions unless we accept our entire natural, functional inheritance, also including the feelings we don't want.

I have at times experienced too much anxiety, depression, exhaustion, distraction or demands from others to experience any happiness, create anything or be much real use to anyone. I can't live that way, but surely some people must. I am grateful to find a way out, to have power and resources at my disposal. So I work hard to look after myself, become better. I try to look after my own basic needs (which include community, love, and the responsibility to support others in their pursuit of wellness). Maybe sometimes I get distracted by happiness—it tastes so sweet after long deprivation—and start believing it is the end goal.

If you truly want a creative life, you cannot earn happiness by being yourself or doing what you do best. You must open yourself, like Graham did, to disatisfaction. Find a strong enough footing to let stress propel you forward. Don't block it. You will probably encounter some happiness (and I hope you will, like a bonus), but all you can earn is experience.

I can relate to Alice de Mille's fear "that my entire scale of values was untrustworthy." I often find most people can't relate to what feel to me like my truest, baldest expressions. Just because they are real and raw doesn't mean they are good. Just because they aren't good enough doesn't mean I should stop, if Martha Graham is any authority. I must stick with them, but it gets lonely, because I am wired and conditioned for loneliness, and it is the stress I dread most.

Comments

[dewittar.livejournal.com]

This is, perhaps, the most important thing I have read in a long time. Thank you for it.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Wow, thank you. I'd be interested to read what it means for you.

[dewittar.livejournal.com]

I'll work on this because something is stirring and it feels important to me. I wrote a post closer to Jan 1st which was primarily my reaction to all the resolutions people create this time of year. I didn't quite get to what was going on for me in that post. What you've offered above feels closer. I am not certain that it is, but it feels truer to my experience.

In my line of work I often accompany people to help them be who they were created to be without need to be more than who and what they are right now. The Taoist in me likes that but then where is the drive to continue the discovery. It is sometimes too easy to mistake complacency with centeredness.

I'll leave it there for now. It's late.

[ghostsandrobots.livejournal.com]

Oh man. I do relate to this. Maybe the creatively productive time is just the right balance of dissatisfaction and happiness. It's hard to get much done at either extreme. And I don't seem to spend much time at either extreme, but the balance still seems precise and very hard to hit.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Aha, the B word again. It has come up a lot lately. I suppose that is where I'm heading with all these 6 Changes and stuff. I keep thinking the right diet, better sleep and so on will make me happier, but I'm striking more toward balance.

[apel.livejournal.com]

That's a powerful quote. I really like it.

Penelope Trunk has some interesting things to say about happiness.
http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2010/11/30/5-reasons-to-stop-trying-to-be-happy/ For her it's a choice between being happy and living an interesting, curiosity-driven life. Have I linked to her before? She's an unlikely source for philosophy but her point of view is very much her own.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Omigosh, that article is hilarious, partly because I don't know how to take it, partly because one of my best friends is a Jewish lesbian who always talks this way. She is quite candid but says things in such a way that you can't help laughing, but while you're laughing at her poking fun at herself and everyone else, it is the absolute truth. But I think she is less cynical than this writer.

Back in my evangelical Christian days we had a tract we used to hand out entitled: "Enjoy life now. Ask me how." She is correct that some Christian sects are preoccupied with happiness, and depression is considered a moral failure (although to some Catholics and Calvinists unhappiness is practically considered a virtue). At the same time as you were supposed to be happy, your only valid source of happiness was in heaven because any worldly pleasure was sinful. With the same cheerfulness we were supposed to love our family and friends who were going to hell. Talk about cynical. And anything confusing we were supposed to accept on faith. In the end, I couldn't.

I must read some more Penelope Trunk. It seems to me she is being a little tongue-in-cheek with this article, and looking elsewhere I see she does write about seeking happiness. I think her point is that she will not sacrifice intellectual curiosity for superficial contentment.

[artricia.livejournal.com]

You are hands-down the most spiritual, pagan-like atheist I know. You are more spiritual than most of the pagans I know. It baffles me that it doesn't translate for you as religious in any way. But I'm very glad for your perspective.

What Graham said is practically theology for my religious tradition.

I identify with so many things in this piece, Van. You hit the nail on the head again and again. I'm especially glad for the bit about one's scale of values. I've struggled for about fifteen years to find a base of values to write from; graduating from college and my parents' house left me without any outside pressures to fight against, which left me without much ground to stand on. I didn't know how I understood the world. That understanding is just now starting to cohere. It's good to know that I shouldn't doubt it when I don't have success of one kind or another. I'm pretty afraid of not succeeding. I'm pretty afraid of not being happy. I think our society is pretty pathological in its greed for happiness.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Because I do not believe in the supernatural, I believe there is no inherent meaning or purpose to our existence. We might as well do our best to find (or choose) a purpose for ourselves individually and as a society, a culture, and a species. We need to work together. We must always remain open to let that purpose evolve as we learn more about the universe and ourselves.

I see religion as a metaphor for this quest. Even some religious leaders agree with this. The metaphor may be useful. The universe I describe would frighten most people with its bleakness. Faith in something higher with more human, sympathetic qualities protects them from fear and despair. Unfortunately religious communities often become preoccupied with the metaphor itself, and lose track of the purpose it symbolizes.

We need to study nature to find our meaning because we come from it. Paganism looks closer to the mark than some religions and sects, which can be downright hostile, e.g. "Fill the Earth and subdue it."

I hope this doesn't sound critical or condescending. I am only trying to clarify my perspective. I do not mean to dismiss your religious beliefs because in a sense they are true, but at the same time I can't altogether buy into the metaphor. I get caught in the tension between what I can rationally believe and how I can bear to think and feel. Maybe this is the space where I am supposed to be, where I need to work hard to follow Martha Graham's advice to keep the channel open.

[artricia.livejournal.com]

I understand where you're coming from; I just marvel at how closely it hews to where I'm coming from, with the one critical difference that I interpret my findings in a religious light.

I'm not sure if it's true for you or not, but I find that most people can't think religious without thinking of a monolithic religion with the monotheistic trappings of benevolence. I'm not convinced God or any god is good. Polytheism pretty much makes benevolence hard to believe -- they're all too unique to be all-loving and not have motives. Likewise, I'm not particularly concerned with what the society, culture, and species believes religiously, so long as it doesn't impinge on me or create problems like the Fill the Earth and subdue it mindset.

I hope I don't come across as trying to convince you of anything; mostly I'm just marvelling and meaning to express gratitude for your insights, which resonate for me spiritually.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I will do my best to remain open and continue conveying insight.

[niyabinghi.livejournal.com]

What a wonderful treat this entry is! Thank you so much for writing it. I had heard the Graham quote before, but not in its' entirety.
Am a bit fatigued/backachey right now, but will come back to comment further in the a.m.

(Funny about the happiness part -- I think the 'state of curiosity' is a more enjoyable state to be in than the happy business....)

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

It struggle to find my way forward, and struggle to make sense out of things and put it into words if I can. It means so much to me when my ramblings touch other people. I look forward to your further reflection if you have time and energy.

And the part about the state of curiosity interests me, too, because I feel most engaged and focused when I'm reading new ideas or walking and experiencing familiar places in a new way, finding fresh threads of metaphor. It is quite different from the happiness I feel when Danny arrives on a Friday evening. I don't know where I would be without either of these delights.

[inishglora.livejournal.com]

Simply marvelous, remarkable passage. I've added it to my journal for later review. Thanks!

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. I'll be interested to read your further thoughts.