Good, bad and ugly

[vaneramos]

I saw my therapist this afternoon for the first time after a year-long hiatus. Last time, I had just started the 6 Changes. When I mentioned it, she asked how it had gone, so I gave a quick rundown. She wanted to hear and emphasize the good news, plus good things I anticipate in the future. We were running short on time when we finally got around to talking about my meltdown last week. She still helped me talk through a strategy to address one major source of stress.

I also told her about a harrowing experience I had a few weeks ago, something I had told no one else except Danny. Some people might interpret it as exposure to intense psychic energy from a terrified or malevolent spirit. I understood it as the distraction of my insomniac brain, but really, who knows? Maybe I'll write what happened one of these days. The therapist did not express any judgment about it.

When I got up to leave, I blurted, "You are the most practical therapist I have ever had. I've missed you."

She said solemnly, "I'm glad to see you, too."

While picking up my prescription, I asked my pharmacist about what the doctor had said: that Remeron/mirtazapine is an anti-psychotic. No, the pharmacist said it's not; you can look it up. I already knew Wikipedia listed it as a tetracyclic antidepressant. I suppose I wanted a more thorough, personal reassurance from my pharmacist. I asked a vaguely leading question about side effects.

Then he referred to the fact that I had previously taken Paxil. That was at least ten years ago, and he knew it offhand. Apparently he knows who I am. The side effects of Paxil were much harder to live with. Maybe I needed the reminder.

As for my doctor—the real one—I'll be glad when she returns from maternity leave.

Comments

[artricia.livejournal.com]

Some people might interpret it as exposure to intense psychic energy from a terrified or malevolent spirit. I understood it as the distraction of my insomniac brain

Tomato, to-mah-to. Honestly, I think the best thing a label can do is help you process and deal with it. I'm not convinced a label will give you a hard-and-fast measure of reality for anything for which these are the two options.

Feel free to PM me if you want an insomniac witch's take.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Who needs labels? I'm only trying to understand why something happened! Did this appalling energy come from within me or without? Perhaps, as you suggest, it doesn't matter. But I'm still curious.

It relates closely to what I've been reading in Abrams' book these past few days. I would like to talk to you more about it (about what happened to me, and about what I've been reading!), so I will write more when I have time.

[changeling72.livejournal.com]

Glad you found the therapy of use. I find it very useful - if only to vent. I guess my training to be a counsellor evidences my belief in its qualities?

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

She doesn't really encourage me to vent. I do a lot of that anyway. Like yesterday, she usually helps me focus on the positive, but I don't mean superficial "positive thinking"—it has more to do with drawing out my own strengths, qualities and deep-seated-though-somewhat-broken optimism. The thing I like best is that she gives good advice and insight: it is practical, reasonable, and comes in economical, occasional, easy-to-use bundles.