New habit: an evening ritual

[vaneramos]

So the main reason for my previous post was a preamble to another long-winded one about personal habits, in particular my evening ritual. A recent episode of moderate to severe insomnia has resolved, but the fix is only temporary. I've been bargaining with myself to avoid some hard changes, and that must end.

In the past few years I got some mileage out of the 6 Changes method: the strategy of self-improvement by making setting aside two months at a time to make small changes in personal habits. It helped. Some of them stuck and some didn't. I often ran into trouble later in the year when dysthymia would hinder the process and set me backsliding.

So far in 2014 I've experienced some dramatic improvements that I never could have achieved through a modest 6 Changes approach. Several factors have contributed to this: being diagnosed and receiving treatment (at age 50!) for the inattentive mode of ADHD, being diagnosed and taking a preventive approach to reverse seasonal affective disorder that begins in midsummer, and developing some major new habits that have essentially overhauled the way I spend the day. Some of these habits were tools I learned specifically to address ADHD, improving my concentration and short-term memory. And since March I've been exercising usually six days a week, the most successful exercise routine I've ever had.

But perhaps most important was a morning ritual I established in January, before either of the new diagnoses came. I begin each day with this simple routine:

1. Do a sun salutation (yoga).


2. Garden for 15 minutes (indoors or out).


3. Make a pot of tea.


4. Write three points of gratitude in a notebook.

These activities, especially gardening, have connected me with my body, nature and the flow of time. I actually like first thing in the morning now. Every day. Even when my mood is crappy, I look forward to gardening and it makes me happy. So between this and the habits I've developed (which I won't detail here) to improve my work hours, my life is feeling awfully dramatically better than it used to.

It's staggering really. Some days I don't recognize myself. When we start improving things, it's surprising how other things we didn't think about can shift for the better.

But there's one area of my life that still really sucks sometimes. Okay, more than one. But one that has given me some persistent trouble the past couple of months, and I know it can get worse and amplify seasonal depression going into the fall.

My sleep habits.

This is a life-long struggle. All the major improvements in my mental health have run alongside progressive improvements in my sleep. But at the moment my ability to sleep at all is somewhat bolstered by an antidepressant, Remeron, while Concerta, the treatment for ADHD, has slightly shaken this balance. And at a basic level my sleep hygiene is still pretty poor. My motivation to go to bed and get to sleep is confused. At times it's ok, but in late May I hit a run of moderate insomnia that lasted for weeks. I'm just barely getting a handle on it now.

For future progress, well-being and stability, I have realized the next dragon I have to slay is bad sleeping habits.

Here are the specific problems I'm experiencing now:

• I rely, as I have for the past decade, on the knock-out from Remeron to help me get to sleep.


• Now that I'm taking Concerta, I can't count on Remeron to knock me out in time to get seven or eight hours of sleep.


• I like to read in bed to wind down, but this "reading time" often becomes game time on my phone instead.


• Reading in bed is not good sleep hygiene, and playing computer games is even worse. The bed should be reserved exclusively for intimacy and sleep.


• Because I work at home I wasn't setting my alarm, reasoning that I should be able to get up when I want. Unfortunately, this doesn't work when I suffer from insomnia, because my sleep cycle becomes progressively more erratic and unmanageable. Sleep hygiene requires me to use an alarm and get up at the same time every day.


• Remeron and Concerta also have conflicting affects on my appetite. In effect I have small lunches and breakfasts, and am only really hungry in the evening. I don't object to snacking before bed, unless it distracts me from going to sleep.


• The drowsy side effect from Remeron also cuts down my willpower, so I'm more likely resist putting down what I'm doing and turning out the light.


• Sometimes my restlessness disturbs my partner's sleep.


• Reading is important for me personally and professionally, and I don't make enough time for it.


• Part of me resents having to give up computer games (this is a big issue here), but the fact is I'm sacrificing activities that would be a lot more beneficial to me professionally, creatively and personally. The idea that I need computer games as an escape is false. Crafts and reading can serve just as well to help me relax.


• Going off Remeron and Concerta is not an option, but let's not get into that.


• My evening routine right now is supposed to be free time at 10 for social media, correspondence, computer games or whatever I want to do, then be in bed at 11 to read for an hour and turn out the light at midnight.


• I'm should take Remeron about 90 minutes before lights-out, but actually I usually forget to take it until I got to bed, usually 11:30 or so.


• As things stand right now I usually turn out the light around 12:30 or 1:00, and my alarm goes off at 8. This is probably enough sleep for me and has been working ok the past few days, but I'm still relying on Remeron, so the cycle it too vulnerable to disturbances like stress, anxiety and changes in daylight.

There's a mess of interacting problems here. It's time I sorted them out.

If I've learned anything from the past year, it's that rituals are useful and friendly. And that sudden, major overhauls can work just as easily, and have more worthwhile, sustainable effects (as long as I make them palatable and not onerous) than small habits developed over a two-month period. If a ritual could transform my mornings from miserable to pleasant and grounding, I hope one can do the same for evening and bedtime. The purpose is to focus on enjoyable activities that also help me wind down and get ready to sleep, and break up the confusion between reading/playing/eating and not sleeping. So here's my plan, subject to amendments.

My new evening ritual

1. Finish eating dessert, watching T.V. and putting away the dishes with djjo preferably by 10:00. 10:15 is permissible.


2. 10:00. Knit in the armchair for half an hour.


3. 10:30. Take medication and read for 90 minutes in the armchair (It is permissible to extend knitting time).


4. 11:30. Take a break to make herbal tea and a bedtime snack.


5. 12:00. Write in a journal. No food after midnight.


6. 12:20. Do a moon salutation (will have to learn this yoga action).


7. 12:30. In bed, lights out.


8. Keep a dream journal beside the bed.

Additional rules:

• Bed is reserved for sleeping and intimacy. No reading, gaming or eating.


• A horizontal position is reserved for sleeping and intimacy. No reading, gaming or eating.


• While reading, I'm allowed to use the phone for look things up on Wikipedia or a dictionary only.


• I already have a reward system to support a daily writing action. I get increasing credits for doing it four, five or six days a week, which I can use to download songs or albums from iTunes. I will stack this sleep routine on the other habit, so I have to do both actions at least four days a week for the reward.


• I'll create a GQueues series to keep track of this.


• Saturday evenings I am not required to follow this routine. Unlike the other reward systems, I don't get credit for following it on Saturdays, which means I need to do it every other night to get full credit.


• It needs to be flexible. Once or twice a week I can award myself credit for the minimum compliance of being in the armchair, no computer, meds taken by 11:00, no food after midnight, and in bed, lights out by 12:30.


• I'm also toying with allowing computer games until 11:00 one or two evenings a week, but it's a slippery slope once it gets started.

We'll see how it works. I plan to try it tonight and Sunday, see if I need to tinker with anything, then begin in earnest on Monday night.

Comments

[leafshimmer.livejournal.com]

Best of luck with all of this. I have a friend who found that eliminating screentime altogether in the evening beyond a certain point (maybe 8 p.m. but I'm not sure) helped enormously with her sleep issues.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, screen time can be problematic. Danny and I like to eat a late dinner and watch T.V. shows or movies together, so we're aiming to wrap that up and still have time to put dishes away by 10. Then I still have 2.5 hours to do other things, but implicitly I will not go back on my computer. While reading I can refer to my phone for ideas or words that interest me -- that doesn't seem to cause problems.

For me a root problem is an underlying psychology that life is too short, and if I start winding down for bed I'll miss out on something. So the stimulus is more internal than external.

And occasionally when I wake too early, it's in a panic about money, and thinking about all the things I have to do. Like last Sunday morning when I didn't have the alarm set, I dreamt I had slept in, and it was October. I woke with a jolt. But night panics only happen when I'm sleep-deprived.

I tried the routine last night, and although I didn't get started until about 10:30, it worked really well otherwise. After my snack I didn't have any trouble with more food cravings. I guess my body has come to associated reading in bed with eating.

The moon salutation was excellent, even though I had to use my laptop to follow a Youtube video. I've tried it before but never at the end of the day. It had an amazingly sedative effect.

When I went to bed at 12:30 and turned the light out straight away, I fell asleep within 10 minutes. I had not expected it to be so easy.

The only thing I didn't like was trying to journal for a few minutes before bed. I was too sleepy! I think this routine might have me ready to sleep by 12, even better than 12:30.