Letters to the years

[vaneramos]

Cross-posted to a 100words email group:

Dear 2003, I discovered important things about myself during you. In recovering from surgery I noticed my unusual resilience. I enjoyed my friends more than ever before. I found LiveJournal. I found 100words. I reawakened my love of photography. I began identifying as polyamorous. I met Danny and fell in love for the first time in years. For the first time ever, I did it cautiously. In November I wrote my first complete draft of a novel. Despite all these positive things, I ended you feeling insecure as ever. I didn't find work. I think I have a social phobia.

Dear 2004, after one of the best years of my life, why do I fear you so much? It would be nice to think all I have to do is get a steady income and everything will be fine. The truth is I have always been afraid, and was far more miserable in the years I was working. I'm beginning to realize that insecurity will never go away. I have to learn to live and be happy in spite of it. December 31, could you send me a little message to reassure me I will make some progress this year?

Comments

[ubermunkey.livejournal.com]

Dear VWaffle,
Yep it has been a good and frightening year, but that is in retrospect. If you recall, there were moments in 2003 that scared the living stuff right out of you. Moments when you didn't think you'd make it through. Moments when it all felt bigger than life and twice as ugly. As the year 2003, my message for you would be to remember 2 things, **self love and to live in the moment**. If you do this it won't change the challenges of 2004 or 2005 or etc, it will however change your experience. Being in the moment will enable you to cope, and self love will remind you that you are a beautiful, wonderful man with a gentle spirit, who deserves to be happy and to live a full loving life.

affectionately yours,
December 31.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thanks bud. I'm sleep-deprived so this made me a little weepy. ;-)

Having some thoughtful (not to mention woofy) friends on LJ certainly gives me courage.

Nuzzles,
Van

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

You are one of the friends on my list that I wish the most for in the coming year. There is so much happiness at your doorstep, so many good things swirling around you. Your life, as mine, seems to be a matter of finding the right ground to stand on to see things properly.

I'm thinking of you and wishing you the best in this new year, Van. You deserve it. :)

Oh, and hopefully we'll have the chance to meet in July. :)

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I hope so, too! ;-)

I've noticed that commonality of which you speak; finding the right ground. Sometimes everything makes sense. Sometimes in stepping forward I lose my perspective. Having your thoughts with me in this way is great encouragement.

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

Umm...is that new icon of you? *trying very hard not to drool and make a fool of himself*

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Not new. Some icons are more versatile, others are better saved for stirring things up once in a while. I took note of your declared proclivity and thought that you would like it. Yes, it is a genuine userpic.

[quirkstreet.livejournal.com]

Go ahead and drool. Ask him for the larger pictures this is taken from. Well worth it! Remind him he's fabulous for a lot more than his body, but DEFINITELY for that. Think happy thoughts about the chance of comparing your proclivities in July!!!

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

Oh, believe you me...I've seen more beauty in this man than merely his body...MUCH more.

Danny, Bill and Dan are all lucky bastards. ;)

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

You're making my head swell. ;-)

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

Oh? Would I be too obvious and cliche if I asked which one? *eg*

[quirkstreet.livejournal.com]

Dear 2003: Thank you for bringing Van into my life.

Dear 2004: Please bring me more Van. Please bring Van more love, joy, and contentment. A non-scary job would be nice too.

[Dons evil-minded flirty hat] And you can skip the pony if I get to ride HIM. :-)

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

You sweet, sexy man. Here's to hopeful meetings this year.

I would love to meet a pile of my friends at Fiesta, but it turns out I get to play house with D for a couple weeks while the boys fly out to play, which is the nicest way I can think of spending the latter part of January. :-)

[avad.livejournal.com]

that's such a beautiful post, Van. I send my love to your soul.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I treasure your sending.