Feeling

A friend posted something about crying over cheesy movies (and at other unexpected times), and it related closely to what I've been thinking about today, partly because of that song by Dahlia that makes me weepy. I practically never cry in front of other people, but I don't consider this a strength. I've been considering the need to embrace complex emotions, even the ones we're taught to consider dangerous, like sorrow, anger and infatuation.

So I'll repost this comment, with apologies to anyone who has already read it.

I had the same reaction to What Dreams May Come, and I've only seen it once. I've seen The Joy Luck Club, at least ten times, and always cried during the final scene, until recently.

It seems to me depression comes from shutting down intense emotions. I felt a release from depression yesterday, and today felt all kinds of complex emotions welling up, bringing me close to tears, feelings I had shut off for several weeks, things I actually needed to feel.

Our society tells us it's inappropriate, particularly for men, to feel deeply. I doubt it. This fear of losing control might come from witnessing male violence and abuse, or from thinking we will seem weak if we cry or otherwise express passion. Really, crying isn't a sign of weakness or losing control. It takes courage to embrace deep emotion and allow the energy to flow through us.

Much of mental illness arises because we're alienated from our feelings, and don't trust them.

Waterspout VII

Finished this drawing today. I'm not satisfied with it, and don't know whether it will be one to go to Denver. But it's different from the old Waterspouts, and I like the direction it's headed. One difference is, I spent three days working on it, rather than two or three hours. I'm getting more involved in the process, rather than the act, of creating a drawing. This seems worthwhile because drawing comes from a different place than writing; a wordless place. Leaving it and coming back allows me time to think about what I'm expressing, and give it a chance to show.

This drawing helped lift me from depression. I've noticed the relationship before. My most productive period of drawing (1998 and 1999) helped me grope through one of my worst depressions after Marian and Brenna moved away.

As usual, my monitor doesn't do justice to the colours. I hope some of you can see them.

Constructive criticism will be gratefully accepted.





See it in higher resolution (actual size is 5"x7").