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[personal profile] vaneramos
The best thing with this drug Remeron is I'm sleeping well. The problem is I need to adjust my schedule. I used to go to bed at 2:30 and get up at 7:30 all the time. Now I go to bed at 2:30 and get up at 10:30. My habits improved somewhat over the summer, but now that I'm alone at home I've reverted to the previous routine.

Underlying it is the life-long fear that I'll never finish everything I want to do.

Today I accomplished much, far more than my previous normal energy would allow. Partway through the afternoon I started to worry, probably because the light outside had started to fade. I had to remind myself that I had already completed my goals for the day, the rest was gravy, I could stop pressuring myself and relax.

What I did:

  • For breakfast I had an English muffin and a peach and blueberries with cream. Also my first cup of real coffee in weeks.

  • Washed, folded and put away four loads of laundry.

  • Phoned Lutherwood-CODA, a job counseling service, and set up an appointment for next week.

  • Phoned Canadian Mental Health Association for an appointment with a job counselor. Left a message.

  • Phoned Bob to tell him I have decided not to sing in the choir this fall. I wasn't looking forward to that conversation, but it went okay. I will continue to help as a volunteer.

  • Couldn't find my recipe for Madeira, mushroom and leek soup, so I made a mushroom omelette for lunch.

  • Phoned Mom for the soup recipe (she is borrowing one of my cookbooks).

  • Did my handwritten journal pages for the day.

  • Drove to Zehrs to pick up a few supplies for making preserves.

  • I also brought home a pork tenderloin and decided to share it, so I spontaneously phoned Sylvie and invited her for dinner.

  • Had a shower.

  • Dinner for me and Sylvie (the menu reflects a strict new diet she was given by a naturopath):

    • Roast pork tenderloin with a coating of curry, brown sugar and dry mustard.
    • Peach chutney.
    • Green beans blanched, then sautéed with shallots.
    • Sliced tomato drizzled with pesto and olive oil.
    • Basmati rice.
    • Limeade.
    • Butterscotch oatmeal squares.

  • Marian called collect and talked to both me and Sylvie. Apparently I can call the pay phone in her dorm. Whoever answers will go and get her. She had a good first day at school and made some friends.

  • After Sylvie left I preserved several half-pint jars of mint sauce.

  • Washed the dishes.

  • Shot a few nude photos of self.

  • Took a call from Daniel L. We had some catching up to do. It was our first conversation since last winter.

  • Perused my LJ friends pages.

How did it get to be 2:30 again?

Date: 2004-09-08 02:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] apel.livejournal.com
Wow, you did so much! I'd be absolutely knackered if I did so many different things in a day.

Date: 2004-09-08 09:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vaneramos.livejournal.com
Strangely enough I wasn't that tired, which is part of the reason I have trouble moving my bedtime up. Apparently, at a certain age our bodies have a natural rhythm of 25 hours, but it changes as we get older—I can't remember whether it gets longer or shorter. I swear my body has a rhythm of 26 hours.

Anyway, I'm glad to have this energy and enthusiasm. It's unusual, and an outcome of the anti-depressant. The challenge is managing it, and putting it toward constructive actions like finding a job and staying in touch with my friends.

Date: 2004-09-08 06:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ubermunkey.livejournal.com
nude photos?

do tell me more?

sounds like a good day and i was most glad to know that you can call Marian. I can't even fathom my daughter off at boarding school, but I bet it will continue to make Marian self sufficient and a much more independant strong person.

be well Van

Date: 2004-09-08 09:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vaneramos.livejournal.com
I asked her whether she would be going home for the weekend and she said no. The school seems to have interesting activities going on every weekend (like going to a real powwow), and she wants to take part in them.

I'm sure her mother didn't receive a collect call. Strangely enough, after all we've been through, it bothers me to see them growing apart without her mother doing much to prevent it. She always handles conflict passively.

As for the nude photos, I don't especially like these ones. Even if they were, I don't know whether I'd post them here. But haven't you seen some before?

Date: 2004-09-08 05:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] robearal.livejournal.com
But haven't you seen some before?
I've been meaning to ask you about all those pics I gather from Yahoo groups that seem to have your cute fuzzy face and other bits showing. Not a bit shy, are we?

Date: 2004-09-08 06:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vaneramos.livejournal.com
Oddly enough, I am shy. In fact I can be reserved about sex depending on the situation. On the other hand I am an exhibitionist. I didn't post any pics on Yahoo groups, but I'm not surprised they turned up there.

Date: 2004-09-08 09:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ubermunkey.livejournal.com
yes i have seen and would enjoy seeing more, the two or three that I saw were long ago, bondage inspired and if you have new ones, well I like nude fresh ones... ;-)

be well

shame, your poem was very moving.

Date: 2004-09-08 07:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] queenmomcat.livejournal.com
Here's to hoping this kind of day becomes the norm! Well, the energy to *do* all those things at one go, at any rate.

Date: 2004-09-08 09:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vaneramos.livejournal.com
Yes, and I guess part of the solution to the sleep schedule is keeping active enough that I'm tired at the end of the day.

Date: 2004-09-08 07:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rsc.livejournal.com
I don't know why 10:30 AM to 2:30 AM doesn't seem like as long a time as 7:30 AM to 11:30 PM, but that's the way it is. Sounds like a pretty productive day, actually. The meal sounds most yummy.

Shot a few nude photos of self.

[Rsises eyebrows] Oh? What's intended with these? (Posting to Friends list would be a nice idea.)

Date: 2004-09-08 08:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vaneramos.livejournal.com
My nude self-pics tend to be pornographic, and although a few are out there to be found, I'm not comfortable posting them in this journal. I might post some if they were arty enough, but that's difficult to achieve. As you probably know I have occasionally posted semi-nudes here.

Date: 2004-09-09 07:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rsc.livejournal.com
My nude self-pics tend to be pornographic

Oh, tantalize me some more, why don't you?

Date: 2004-09-08 08:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] leafshimmer.livejournal.com
Wow, what a momentous day for you. The job stuff sounds major, and so does taking a break from singing in the choir--maybe so you'll have more energy to work on the job thing?

Butterscotch oatmeal squares, yum! A friend of ours made a butterscotch pudding at the Farm during the Gathering that was extra delicious, and a shot of Scoth (the liquor) was one of the ingredients--I was intrigued, since I had never heard of making it that way. Perhaps that was the original recipe and hence the name "butterscotch"?

Oh my, new naked self portraits. I do hate it when I drool over the keyboard...
shamelessly, Shimmer (laughing at myself for being one of those self-serving hedonistic Faeries--see comments to latest entry in Bill's journal)

Date: 2004-09-08 12:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vaneramos.livejournal.com
Those comments helped me sort out some thoughts that have been rumbling around in my head for the past 11 months. I appreciated the focus on land and community, but was distracted by the fabulousness. It doesn't fit me. Also, despite what happened in the woods, I'm more reticent about sex with most people.

As for the choir, I'm taking a break from the drama. I want to concentrate on finding a job, yes, and also get involved in something different, perhaps Guelph Little Theatre or a writers group.

Date: 2004-09-09 07:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rsc.livejournal.com
a shot of Scotch...hence the name "butterscotch"?

I don't think so; I believe the "scotch" in "butterscotch" is a variant of "scorch".

Date: 2004-09-08 09:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] handlebear.livejournal.com
wow, I got tired just reading what you did. I'm glad that you are feeling better.


Shot a few nude photos of self.
*smile*

Date: 2004-09-08 12:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vaneramos.livejournal.com
Heh, looking at what I did yesterday makes me feel tired, too. I think the big challenge for me is to have realistic expectations of myself.

Date: 2004-09-08 12:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ciddyguy.livejournal.com
I've had days like that and yesterday was one of them, except that it happened at work. New offices and whilst unpacking my stuff and all the files and shipping and before I knew it, it was time to go home.

The day really flew by in a hurry yesterday. Today, well, it's another matter. Does not seem to be going as quickly as yesterday, but we are mostly settled in our individual cubicles however. :-)

Date: 2004-09-08 01:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vaneramos.livejournal.com
New beginnings are always an enthusiastic time. September always feels like a fresh start to me. Hopefully I can use the energy to set some new patterns in my routine.

I often notice that weather makes a difference. We're having a rainy afternoon, and I can feel the weight of it.

Date: 2004-09-08 02:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ciddyguy.livejournal.com
I enjoy September as well but what I love is that transitional time when summer's ending and fall is 'round the corner. The dusty, warm sunny days of late August and early September are wonderful, add to that, the very, very beginings of the leaves changing. One tree outside our building has tinges of red and orange in some of it's very outer leaves.

Some people have intimated that we may all be in for an early fall this year. I believe it to some degree. Some evidence out here in the NW.

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