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Love and panic

Reflections: M------- and I had already been friends when we inadvertently outed ourselves to one another by attending the same ex-gay conference in 1992. After that we attended the same support group in Toronto for two years. The ex-gay model treated emotional love between men as natural and healthy. My sexual desires were effectively repressed and sublimated.

The mental health effect of denying physical and sexual expression is glaringly obvious to me now. This entry records a panic attack, but I didn't realize what it was until several years later. I didn't know this incident was recorded anywhere, though I recall it clearly. We dined that evening at a restaurant in Streetsville then went for a walk in the woods before hugging and parting.

Date: 2005-02-14 08:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] daisydumont.livejournal.com
i've felt like that before, all my desires so deeply repressed that i had no idea that's what was happening. i'm glad you're well past such repression, van.

Date: 2005-02-14 10:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vaneramos.livejournal.com
I still experience residual effects sometimes, but I'm slowly coming out of the woods. The biggest healer is simply to honour one's own feelings.

Hearts to you and G today.

Date: 2005-02-14 10:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] daisydumont.livejournal.com
thanks, and hearts to you too. :)

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