Polyamory realized

[vaneramos]

Poinsettia at Allan Gardens


Before Danny, I called myself polyamorous because I couldn't imagine limiting myself to loving one person. I had never had a stable romantic relationship, and could hardly imagine what one felt like. Perhaps I was afraid to risk all my dreams on one horse.

Danny arrived unlooked-for. We started with pleasant companionship, enjoyable sex, minimal expectations and no drama. It still surprises me to have this simple love outshining my unrealized hopes. Its worth is inexpressible.

Danny has another partner. From the outset it was implicit that I might someday, too. But with limited time and energy, it's hard to imagine giving away more.

So it's strange to find other expressions and gradations of love emerging, the way I theorized polyamory might work for me. No blinding flashes, simply a warm breath here and there, friends I visit now and again. I realize I could love someone I see once a year, or care deeply for one I have yet to meet. Desire doesn't have to hurt or even involve sex. Recently this variety of interactions has obviated my interest in anonymous adventures.

I'm startled to discover my sex life satisfying. The feeling comes and goes, but overall it's good.

Comments

[shadowshape.livejournal.com]

wow, well done;
its wonderful when life moves into this phase, isn't it?
take care
love and blessed be
xxx

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

It would be a stretch to say my life is wonderful. I would venture to say it's improving, and I'm learning to take pleasure in simple things day to day. I have a long way to go to before my situation is sustainable, and some things are still working against me. But at least, and unexpectedly, I am fortunate in love.

Love and cheers.

[bearfinch.livejournal.com]

I had a similar kind of realisation the other day...not only about sex, but about how after years of being kind of a mis-fit I suddenly have friends all over...

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yes, really this post isn't all about sex, either. I suppose my sex life has felt unsatisfied at times primarily because I was lonely. As I've become more connected, I've lost that restless craving for physical touch and pleasure.

I know that misfit feeling. Most of my life, I've felt like an outsider looking in on the popular, successful people. It's still hard to shake sometimes.

[bearfinch.livejournal.com]

When I was lonlier, I actually used to be the opposite, avoiding and even fearing physical contact, unless I knew someone very well. I was monk-like I guess.

Now that I'm more connected, I'm rather open about wanting the physical touch and pleasure, as long as I know the person, even if not well.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I still want the contact, too. I'm just more certain and confident about wanting it from people I care about.

For several years after I came out of the closet in 1996 I wasn't monk-like at all, in fact I was highly promiscuous, the proverbial kid in a candy shop. The experiences were mostly good, but several years ago I started to lose interest, and suddenly found myself feeling all used up, like I had nothing left to give. I suppose I'd invested in too many people I never saw again. By the time I met Danny in 2003 I had become considerably more guarded. I feel myself slowly opening up and becoming more generous again, but mostly with people I care about. And it's not as much a craving as something I can enjoy when the opportunity arises.

[leafshimmer.livejournal.com]

The way I would define polyamory is very much in line with what you write here. I don't really fit into the "poly" scene here in Boston because it is much more structured (and dominated, from what I can tell, by folks whose primary orientation is heterosexual) so I tend to feel isolated a lot in terms of how I do my love life. So it is very consoling to hear a kindred voice here in the words of your journal.

hugs, Shimmer

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I could give you some consolation. Your own experience has frequently done the same for me.

xoxo

[thewindrose.livejournal.com]

You know, some day if the winds ever blew us in the right direction, I would love to sit and talk to you over a glass of wine. So many of the things you right about resonate with me - even though we come from two different places. I'm a recently married mostly hetero woman - and yet, I feel this way myself. I have a friendship that I could see expanding in this way and I find the process fascinating. It isn't the rigid, structured relationship that I always think about when it comes to poly, but more of a relaxed, comfortable (though admittedly slightly scary) progression.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Part of it involves letting go—of traditional expectations, of rules—and that is indeed scary. I wish you well in your adventure, and I imagine we'll have that glass of wine someday.