Passage

[vaneramos]

It seems I've reached a season of transition.

After taking the volunteer position I was initially overwhelmed; those few working hours dominated the entire week. This seemed to confirm my fear that a job would hinder creative endeavours.

But since January I've settled into the groove. Not only that, I adopted my largest project in years: desktop publishing a chapbook with the goal, which I achieved, of raising enough money to buy a camera.

The job seems to have catalyzed this outcome. My free time has become more productive. At times my energy has been outright obsessive. I don't mind.

The problem is I've neglected some good habits. I haven't been washing dishes, cooking or eating properly. My office has become too disorderly for me to launch another project, and recently my morning pages have lapsed. I need to refocus the energy quickly.

Another positive development: since the cognitive therapy group ended, I've continued meeting informally with two people. We're forming a fertile friendship. Last night I told them the problem and gave myself homework: to clean the apartment by next Thursday.

I did the bathroom this morning, and plan to tackle the kitchen tonight. A little accountability is wonderful.


Canada goose

Comments

[blue-by-you.livejournal.com]

You've been very creative! I think every writer should have a maid or a help-mate. Someone to do the necessary dos and leave us to create. But then, again, maybe that would be bad for us. Sometimes cleaning lets your mind go to new places, don't you think?

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Housework used to be something I did to satisfy other people. The first few years I lived alone, my apartment became such a mess that I was ashamed to have anyone visit. Three years ago I started getting a handle on it, and I've learned to regard it as an aspect of self-care. If the kitchen is clean, I can cook nice things for myself. If the living room and bathroom are clean, I can have friends in. If the bedroom is clean, it's a nicer place to make love. If my office is clean, I have mental and physical space in which to create. For the first time in my life, I want it clean, which motivates me to do it. But I will never be a neat freak. A little artistic disorder still feels fertile to me, but I'm no longer ashamed of my living space.

When Danny or the girls visit, I like cleaning even more.

My parents were neat freaks, and having other people clean my mess still communicates to me that I'm lazy and ineffectual. I would rather do it on my own terms.

But just this week I thought it would be nice to have a secretary to keep appointments and commitments straight for me. I am absent-minded and disorganized, and wouldn't mind having someone look after me in that way.

[missprune.livejournal.com]

Oh the goose picture is so crisp! I love that.

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thank you. This is one shot I certainly couldn't have taken with my old camera.