Birth of a lake

[vaneramos]

In the beginning
was an end.
Out of darkness
came light.
Over the fall of hills
climbed a ribbon of wind.
Out of silence
came endless music.

The void shattered
and mystery split open.

In a fold of the earth
lay a blue breadth of sky.

From the surface
came forth angelic beings
transparent
dancing to the song of atmosphere.

Children of the afterbirth
giants rose from the shore
limbs lucent and shuddering with dew

from their hearts
whispered dreams beyond memory.

Serenely the depths
swelled with secret wisdom
and death was forgotten.

~~~~

I would appreciate constructive criticism of this poem. I have one particular problem with it, but will wait to hear what others have to say.

Here's a list of all my poetry published on this site to date: Van's poems.

Comments

the beginning is the end

[dubious-one.livejournal.com]

i have dabbled with the whole birth/death thing. your visual imagery is pretty sweet. it really got a hold of my attention in the beginning. the flow/rhythm got a little screwy the more i read. loved the psuedo aliteration at the end. (i can't spell). i still like how almost oxymornoic the whole subject matter is. it's a "bella morte" if you will. it's honest, it's true, and it's been said before that something is born everytime something dies. this is just on a much larger scale and you did a great job with it because you used your own language and views and that's what counts the most (for me anyway).

Re: the beginning is the end

[vaneramos.livejournal.com]

Thank you. You're right about the flow and rhythm. Maybe the scale of the idea is too large for a small poem. I might try a series of poems on this theme.